Well, everyone, the moment has finally come. I have a story for you that is all good. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to Evan, The Gentleman.
Well, everyone, the moment has finally come. I have a story for you that is all good. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to Evan, The Gentleman.
I know, I said I deleted my dating apps – and I did! – but dating in COVID-era Boston was proving to be virtually impossible. I took myself out on dates and to restaurants and things, dressed cute to go to the store, and nothing. So I figured I only had a couple of more months; I might as well go back on and get a few final Boston stories. Which I did, like in my last edition of One Hit Blunders. But then, I matched with Evan on Hinge.
Evan just had a good look to him, besides being attractive and having a nice smile. He had pictures in suits, not shirtless gym selfies. Also, he had a picture with who I guessed was his mom, not a fish. Finally, he actually answered some of the prompts and seemed to have a good sense of humor. So I swiped right. And he had swiped right on me because we immediately matched. We started to talk and hit it off right away. We were finding things in common left and right, and he just seemed super decent. He has a good job that he actually enjoys, loves his family, has hobbies and interests, and made me laugh. A lot.
Slight side note,around this time I was also realizing how superficial a lot of my friendships in Boston were. When we couldn’t go out to bars as freely, I realized that a lot of my ‘friends’ weren’t really people I felt like I could just hang out with. Or they were constantly hanging out with each other but not inviting me. And honestly, it hurt. But at the same time, it reinforced my decision to move. It made me feel even better about my decision to leave a lot of things behind – in my 20s, in 2021, and in Boston. I promise this is important in a minute, but anyway, back to the story.
I also liked that Evan made plans to hang out with me pretty quickly. And those plans involved taking me to a steakhouse. He was even patient when I was with family in North Carolina for Thanksgiving and couldn’t go out quite as soon as he wanted. When I got back to Boston, he made plans for the next week on Tuesday.
On that day, I hadn’t heard from him. This was a bit weird because he was usually really talkative so I checked in on him. I knew he’d gotten a COVID vaccine the day before so I thought that might be why, and I was right. He was feeling extremely under the weather and had slept most of the day. Evan asked if there was any chance I was free the next night. I did have a movie night planned, but we were able to reschedule to Tuesday, so Wednesday, my birthday, was officially free. So I figured why not break the biggest first-date rule EVER and go out on my birthday?
I told Evan, yes, I could go out on Wednesday instead of Tuesday. But, that he couldn’t stand me up because it was my birthday. I made him promise not to make a big deal out of it, though. At the time he agreed, but on our date, things went a bit differently.
He invited me to Del Frisco’s by the Seaport, where I’d never been, so I was excited. I took my time getting ready because I wanted to look nice – I mean, this was a steakhouse date, my birthday, AND likely my last date in Boston given my pending move. I wanted to dress to impress.
Clearly, Evan appreciated it. When I walked in and found him at the bar, he was literally stunned. I’ve never had someone look at me like that. All he said was, “Wow.” And not going to lie, his pictures did not do him justice either. His eyes are seriously so blue, I couldn’t stop staring.
We made our way to our table and he had me pick our bottle of wine. We had already decided on an Oregon red from 2017. First, I tried to pick the least expensive one but he quickly realized what I was doing and told me to pick the one I really wanted. I did. We also got some delicious steaks and lobster mac & cheese. Plus, he didn’t judge me at all for my love of rolls.
He asked me tons of questions and I answered all of them. Our dinner lasted almost four hours. He had told me before we even sat down that he was just going to ask me anything and everything, and I don’t think there’s a single topic we didn’t discuss. He actually listened to my answers, even. I know this for a fact because several conversations before (over message) I’d mentioned how much I love cheesecake. When he went to the bathroom, he told the waitress (who he was EXTREMELY polite to – major bonus points) that it was my birthday and asked if I could get me cheesecake for dessert. And they did! I got some amazing, free cheesecake and it was an amazing end to our delicious dinner.
After dinner, we walked out towards the water and I could tell Evan was close to ruining the moment by asking me the forbidden question. Quickly, I just told him – no, don’t ask. And he didn’t.
We ended up going back to his place (get your mind out of the gutter) because, during dinner, he’d mentioned that he had been decorating his Christmas tree but needed help finishing it. I happen to be an expert Christmas tree decorator, so I offered my services. I helped him decorate his tree and then he paid for my Lyft home – truly, a gentleman.
I know it’s been a minute, but I’m back again with another edition of One Hit Blunders! In this chapter, get ready to meet Jeremy, The DM Slider, and Jay, The Regular. Let’s start with Jeremy.
First of all, I decided to go ahead and get back on Hinge. Just for the fun of it. Mostly because I decided I wanted to go to a Bruins game (my first ever hockey game!) before I left Boston, and I thought it would be fun to use it to try to find someone to go with to the game. That failed, and I went alone, which ended up being fun because I made friends, but I stayed on. I figured with just a few more weeks in Boston, I’d have some fun and go out to some new places. Nothing wrong with trying out some things and making memories!
THE DM SLIDER
I met Jeremy on Hinge, and he seemed pretty decent. We actually had a fair amount in common, and he didn’t shit on my love of Disney, which is always a plus. He also immediately asked me out AND made reservations. Kind of a low bar, I know, but that’s dating nowadays.
After talking for a bit on Hinge, we decided to exchange Instagram handles because nowadays, that’s usually the next step, it seems. What a time. And once he had my name, man, did he slide RIGHT into those DMs. And stayed there. This isn’t the end of the world, but it just felt weird like he could’ve asked for my phone number at this point. As y’all know by now, I’m a very open person, and no topic is off-limits for me, so he asked whatever he wanted, but some things I was just sort of like, really? But we already had a date scheduled, and he had admitted to not being super experienced and a bit socially awkward coming out of COVID especially, so I figured I’d give him a chance.
As a note, though, I notice when a guy only wants to communicate via social media. I know I’m notorious for my fake number thing, but at least it’s a text message and not a social media app that serves as my primary form of communication.
The night of, he was late. To be fair, I was a bit late, too, because of the oh-so-fun experience of riding the T, but still. Where I was a few minutes late because my T got stuck, he was several minutes late simply because he didn’t leave on time. Strike one.
While he was tall, objectively attractive, and seemed to be pretty put-together and not a total creep, I just wasn’t feeling anything when he first arrived. I thought maybe it was just my annoyance at him being late. He was pretty nice, though, and very funny, so I kept it up. Sometimes a spark can grow. I also gave him points because I’d told him that it bothers me when I do a drinks date during dinner time, and I get hangry, so he let me order an appetizer even though he wasn’t even hungry. So, there’s that.
The date wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great. I felt way more like I’d met a friend than I did someone I was legitimately interested in long-term, but he seemed pretty lax about it all. I think the fact I was about to move helped. So, when he asked if I wanted to go back to his place to watch TV, I figured why not. He didn’t seem creepy or weird in any way, and I was confident that I could get myself out of any situation I didn’t want to be in. So, we went back.
All we did was watch “Seinfeld,” which I’m not a massive fan of, and “Parks and Rec,” which I just started, but it was relaxing. We did kiss, but it wasn’t very firework-inducing or anything. After a bit of all that, I said I was tired and decided to go home. He at least walked me down to my Uber, which was nice. And then we just never spoke again.
I think he knew I wasn’t super interested, and in retrospect, I think the tardiness, communication, and lack of a spark just proved not to be a match on both ends. So that was the end of Jeremy. I’m pretty sure he still follows me on Instagram, but that’s it. On the bright side, I tried a new place I hadn’t been to before I left!
I love traveling solo – it’s fun, empowering, and I’ve had great experiences so far. But I get many people asking me why I like it so much, and if there are any things that I don’t like about it. So, here’s my Top 10 list of why I love traveling soo – and three things that I don’t.
1. I get to do what I want!
This is a pretty obvious reason. When I travel solo, I get to see what I want, when I want. There’s no, “What do you want to do?” “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” back-and-forth all day. If I want to go into a store, I go. If I’m crazing pizza, I don’t have to worry about if someone is craving tacos.
It’s healthy to be a bit selfish and put yourself first sometimes, and if I’m going to spend money on a trip, I want to make sure that it’s (mostly) spent the way I want to. I’m more into history and culture than a lot of my friends – I wouldn’t drag them to museums, and then I’d be disappointed we didn’t go. I’ve never been to Vegas before – but I’ve been invited. Still, I’ve never gone because I would want to see shows, not just party, so I wouldn’t want to go somewhere that I wouldn’t be able to have a trip that I would actually enjoy. Traveling solo means that I get to have the trip I want guilt-free.
2. I don’t have to wait around.
My friends are great, but some spend half their day getting ready to go out. I am not about that life. I am the friend who sets an alarm even on vacation so I have time to work out and enjoy my coffee before venturing out for the day, so if I did that just to spend the next four hours waiting for my friend to get ready, I’d spend the whole trip annoyed. I’m not always the most punctual of people, but I’m usually within 5-10 minutes of on time. If I can’t rely on some of my friends to make it to a brunch reservation within the hour we had reserved, I’m not sure that traveling will be a fun and no-stress experience.
3. I can be more flexible and adaptable.
On my recent trip to Greece, I decided that I didn’t want to do the horseback riding tour I’d booked anymore because it would change the type of trip I was having. So, I canceled it. I like having the freedom to change my plans. If I realize I want more time at one place or less at another, I can. It’s easier to be flexible when you’re on your own, and I’ve found that flexibility is a must in travel.
4. It’s easier – and more comfortable – to plan
I get it; everyone has different budgets and comfort levels. I don’t spend much money on ‘things.’ I cook and drink primarily at home. I prioritize saving money for travel to afford the type of vacations that I like to take. I’d rather splurge on a hotel than one night out. But, of course, not everyone is like that, and that’s okay! But I have learned that it’s difficult to overcome when attempting to plan travel with friends.
I will never be okay with staying at a hostel – I did that in college, and it was enough. I don’t need a luxury resort, but I like to feel safe, comfortable, and know that where I’m staying provides at least a bit more than the bare minimum. But it can be hard to find a compromise with friends who are okay with hostels and only the basics, and I’ve found that things rarely get planned when there are such differences in comfort levels and budgets.
5. I get to meet new people and make friends.
I’m a very social and outgoing person. I love meeting new people, and I’ve been able to meet some great people by traveling solo. Not having a friend or someone there as a “buffer” forces me to put myself out there. I’ve had so many fun conversations with people because if I wanted to talk to someone, I had to be brave! Getting to know the people is a great way to get to know the culture of where you are. I’ve had so many people strike up conversations with me once they see I’m alone (and not in a creepy way). Talking to strangers and making friends in new cities is a great way to build confidence, and I’ve found it’s easier to do so when you’re traveling alone.
6. I feel confident and empowered.
It’s a great feeling to do something outside your comfort zone, and I always feel empowered AF during and after a trip. Especially when people I meet constantly tell me how cool and brave it is to travel solo and how impressed they are, it’s a nice little confidence boost. I like knowing that I’m confident enough – and secure enough – to do something special for myself. I believe in accepting and loving yourself first and foremost. To me, solo travel is the ultimate way to ‘date’ and love myself.
7. I don’t miss out.
Especially when traveling internationally, if you’re going somewhere, you want to make sure you make the most out of it. Traveling with others, or especially a big group, you can easily run the risk of not getting to see everything you wanted due to lack of time. Or, you do, but your friends didn’t, which also sucks. Also, if an opportunity comes up that you’re dying to do, but it overlaps with other plans, that’s never fun. For the record, I’m a big believer in compromise. When traveling with family or no-stress friends, I’m happy to check out things that might not have been #1 on my list. Still, it’s nice to give yourself opportunities where you’re only doing what you want.
Like I said in my last post, I recently deleted my dating apps. But, I still had them before my trips to Austin, Texas, and Scottsdale, Arizona. I wanted to move to either of those places, so I thought it would be helpful to see what the guys were like. So, I used Hinge and changed my neighborhood to the Austin area, and did some swiping. I did match with a couple of guys who didn’t seem totally awful and a few that I knew would not be for me. Ultimately, I made plans to meet up with one of them while I was there – Joseph.
Joseph isn’t actually from Texas. He’s from the East Coast but was raised in California and now lives in Austin. But for this story, I’m just going to call him The Texan because it works.
Joseph was pretty cute, a little short, but I’m not too much of a heightist. He was funny and seemed pretty decent. Honestly, he wasn’t 100% “my type,” but I’m trying to be better about that, too. I figured I’d try something new. So we messaged, and then texted for a bit, and decided to meet up on my first day there. I kind of regretted telling him about what time I was set to land, though. He seemed to want to meet up pretty much immediately, but I kind of just ignored him for a bit until I got settled in.
Eventually, we met up at a brewery that the front desk agent at my hotel had recommended. I wanted to explore East Austin, and she suggested it as a starting point. Even though I don’t really drink beer, I thought it would be fun. So I invited him to join me after I ate a late breakfast. As I usually do, I had to go back through his profile and our previous conversations to remember what he looked like and what topics we’d already covered. Once I did, I was ready.
I got there first, but since I’m not a beer fan, it worked out – it took me a very long time to decide what I wanted to get. When he did arrive, he was actually a bit cuter in person. Still a bit short, though. But overall I got a pretty good vibe – more ‘friend’ than ‘boyfriend,’ but better than ‘run away’! We ordered our beers and sat down, and started talking.
After we had a drink there, we decided to walk around and ended up at a cocktail bar not too far away. I appreciated that he paid for my drinks without question, seemed interested in what I had to say, remembered other details about me, and wasn’t trying to get in my pants right off the bat. Sometimes it’s sad to realize that this is where the bar is at this point.
But, while Joseph wasn’t awful and seemed mostly decent, he was a bit too clingy for me. I feel like he had this idea that we would meet on my first day and have such amazing chemistry that we spent my whole time there together and then fell madly in love, so I moved there. But that’s not what happened. It’s also not what I wanted to happen. But Joseph started to get a bit clingy, so I started to step on the brakes. I even lied about the hotel I was staying at . Not just for safety, but because I didn’t trust that he wouldn’t just show up outside my hotel “coincidentally” at some point during my stay.
After we had our drinks, he offered to drive me back to my hotel. But obviously, since I told him I was staying somewhere else I said no. I also kind of wanted to explore a bit more. But, it was nice of him to offer. That is, until he began texting me every day for the rest of my trip asking if I wanted to meet up again.
I like the interest, but I’d also already told him that I had plans of my own – which was true. I really wasn’t sure I’d be able to meet more than once since it was such a quick trip. But like I said, I think he had an idea of some sort of crazy romantic movie-type story unfolding. And I was just not into it.
I did think about meeting up with him one night, though. I had met up with a friend at a bar I knew wasn’t too far from him and thought about reaching out. Then we ended up totally losing track of time so I decided to go back to my hotel instead. I did text him that I had planned on trying to meet up with him but that the night had gotten away from me. I mean, it was pretty late, and it was my last night before heading to Arizona so I wanted to get some sleep. He took it pretty well, though.
The next day, though, he texted me again when I was leaving Austin for Arizona to ask me if I was planning on coming back. He also said that he “really saw this going somewhere” and wanted me to let him know if I did end up moving here. I was honest that I didn’t really see myself moving there, but that if I ever came back to visit I’d try to let him know. Really, Austin was just not for me – fun city, however.
I didn’t have high expectations for a date with anyone while I was there so it was fine. I mostly just wanted a local to show me around a bit, but I could definitely tell that he had some other plans. Don’t get me wrong, I love a guy who’s enthusiastic and interested. But he was a bit too interested and excited that I wasn’t from there.
It kind of made me feel like maybe there’s a reason why he hasn’t had any luck with a girl in Austin and was looking for someone new to the area. Maybe that’s just me but it’s kind of a red flag when a guy is clearly missing signals that I wanted my time and space to do my own thing. Instead, he was trying to get me, basically a stranger, to spend my whole trip with him. Not a crazy red flag, but just not one I want to ignore.
I’m also not sure what it is about me that so far, I find guys who are either madly in love with me from date one or want nothing to do with me after one date. I’m clearly very much a love or hate kind of person. But I’m changing that!
In any case, Joseph was not the one and that’s perfectly fine with me. Especially since I’m not moving to Texas. I did search for some matches in Arizona but didn’t find any worth going out with, which was fine. However, I did make a friend early on in my trip. I ended up hanging out with her and her boyfriend a bit, which was much more fun anyway.
And after those trips, I deleted all of my apps – for good. I didn’t use them when I was in the Outer Banks. I wasn’t even tempted to redownload. Now that I’m back in Boston I’m planning on doing it all the old-fashioned way. I feel like I’ve dated every guy in Boston already, but maybe there are a few unicorns who weren’t on any apps that I’ve yet to meet. So from now on, no more dating app stories. Only “real life” ones. Will I meet anyone this way? I’m optimistic. Will they be story worthy? I guess we have to wait and see. Stay tuned.
Y’all, I just couldn’t do it anymore – I deleted my dating apps.
A few weeks ago, I deleted Tinder and Bumble. But, I did make a Hinge profile specifically so that I can get an idea of what the options are like when I was in Austin and Scottsdale (more on that later). But as of last night, when I returned, that was gone, too.
So, what drew me to make this decision? Honestly, a lot of things.
The biggest reason was that I have just not been finding quality guys on these apps. The few times I thought I had someone decent, it was a bust. Take Brad, The Baseball Player. We matched, texted a bit, went out for drinks and apps, and had a really great time. I actually liked him more than I expected to. He has a good job, works really hard (work ethic is one of my biggest non-sexual turn-ons), is tall, and was really nice and very funny the whole time. We shared some amazing appetizers, and I genuinely had a great time. We talked a bit for a couple of days after, and then nothing. He literally just disappeared.
I’m not saying that Brad isn’t a quality guy. He did have a lot of qualities that I’m looking for. But he clearly didn’t have one quality that is extremely important to me – communication skills. Either he wasn’t willing to make the effort, or didn’t know how to (and I don’t want to be the one courting a guy). Or, he just didn’t want to tell me he wasn’t interested anymore. No matter what, it just wasn’t a match.
Besides Brad, I haven’t actually been out with more than one of my recent matches. Frankly, they just weren’t that interesting. I haven’t found a single guy who makes me excited to get a message from him in several months. Yes, I know people can come off as different over text versus in person, but still. It’s just not exciting anymore.
Finally, don’t even get me started on all the catfishers.
This one is pretty straightforward. I have seen SO many of the same guys on these apps. Some of them I’ve seen each time I’ve redownloaded the apps in a moment of weakness. (This mostly happens when I need an ego boost). Yes, I know that this means that I’m still single, too… but I usually delete my apps if I’m seeing someone. Then, I update them if I go back on. But I’ve seen some guys who have basically the exact same profile which is very suspicious to me – does that mean you’ve just been chilling with the exact same profile for years and haven’t had to get off of it for even a few months? Or, they leave it up while they’re dating someone.
I’ve also even accidentally rematched with guys I’ve matched with on another app before but, for whatever reason, disregarded as someone with actual potential. Then when I realize it, I have to unmatch them again. I really thought Boston was a big city – but the amount of guys I’ve seen MULTIPLE times shows me that is a lie.
Side note, I saw The Boyfriend again. He’s still lying about who he is, but at least he’s updated his photos. I tried to report him but it wouldn’t let me.
3. Guys Who Hide Behind their Phones
To be fair, this one kind of goes along with “Quality,” but I wanted to make a distinction. It’s one thing to just have a lot of guys that I have nothing in common with. Or guys who don’t know how to actually date. But i’s another to have guys that feel like because they don’t actually know you, they can be mean.
The amount of guys who immediately turn things sexual is obscene and, if I weren’t such a hopeless romantic, it would make me sad and disheartened. I mean, a lot of guys are sexist anyway but they feel like since they’re on their phones they can get away with it more.
Then there are the guys who are just straight-up rude. For instance, one specific guy I matched with. I honestly don’t want to waste too much energy coming up with a fake name or nickname for him. I’ll just call him The Namecaller.
Once we switched to (Google Voice) text, he got kind of weird. Constantly asking me where I was, what I was doing, who I was with. If I went out to dinner, he’d ask me where and then ask how far it was from where I lived.
When I mentioned that a lot of my friends had moved from the city, but then later said I was hanging out with a friend to get him to leave me alone, he made it sound like I just wasn’t allowed to have any friends since I’d told him a lot of them moved. He was always trying to find out where I was and where I lived. He asked several times if I had any roommates. It freaked me out.
One day, I “accidentally” unmatched him and he flipped out. He started messaging me asking why I unmatched him, and I just said it was an accident. But I also mentioned that his constantly interrogating me on where I was didn’t sit well with me. And, it made me uncomfortable. Then he just started to get rude and unnecessarily sassy. After a bit, I told him that I didn’t see it working out and was no longer interested in going out with him.
He did not take this well. He got super defensive and accusatory and started insulting me. So I said that if this was how he reacted to a woman saying no to a date – which I had every right to do – I was glad I’d said no. And then he just got even worse. He called me “rude,” and said that he didn’t understand how I expected anyone to want to date me if this was how I was going to be about simple questions. I didn’t even answer. I just blocked him. Sorry, I’ve already had a guy tell me nobody would ever love me – I’m not about to listen to another mediocre manchild tell me the same thing.
The funny thing is he used to live in my building. Luckily, that made it easier to find him and block him on Facebook, too. Just in case.
4. Time and Energy
We all know that we shouldn’t be spending so much time on our phones, and I am passionate about that. I’ve been actively trying to be less attached to my phone. I turned off most notifications, deleted some of my most used apps, etc. I could think of 100 other things that are a much better use of my time and energy than sitting on my phone swiping on guys that I probably won’t like, or who probably won’t even answer me if we do match.
I’m trying to better myself. I’m on a big self-love and growth journey right now. And this will help me become the person I want to be. Ultimately, this will help me be someone who is a better girlfriend. Wasting my time on guys who, frankly, aren’t worth it when I could be doing something valuable just doesn’t make any sense to me anymore.
Especially since so many of the profiles are actually bots that the companies use to keep people interested in swiping for hours on end. It’s just an energy and time sucker. I don’t feel like participating anymore.
I also believe in the Law of Attraction, and I just don’t have good expectations from dating apps. Sometimes, they don’t make me feel good about myself. I’d rather be out there living my life and being amazing and feeling positive. That way, I’ll meet men who are also amazing and positive.
In my last post, I told you that part two of my story with The Chef, Francisco, might be coming. And, guess what? It did. After he randomly reappeared in my life several weeks after our first date, I decided to give him one more chance.
As I said, he wasn’t completely awful on our first date until the end. He did accept my feedback graciously and maturely and offered what seemed like a genuine apology. Plus, when we talked this time he promised that we’d get appetizers and actually eat this time. So I felt like maybe one more date wasn’t an awful idea. Was that the right call? You can be the judge.
We went to a bar that he suggested. He claims to have gone there multiple times over the past few months and it’s a new favorite. However, he didn’t know that it’s about to close. Plus, he needed Google Maps to get there. But anyway, onward we went.
The bar was okay. It’s definitely a local hotspot because it was very busy, which I expected since it’s about to close. They were out of a lot, so I got a seltzer and he got a beer. Then, we found a spot along a back wall to talk.
Pretty quickly, I was reminded of why I didn’t feel the spark. But, I was already committed and I didn’t want to be rude and bail. I wanted to give a real second chance, not 10 minutes. Fernando did ask me why I decided to go out with him again. I said because he took my criticism well and apologized. And I had nothing else to do that night. At least I’m honest, right?
At the bar, there was a guy that looked about my age, maybe a year or two older. He was with a girl, but I definitely didn’t get girlfriend/date vibes from either of them. And he kept talking to me. I felt like he was trying to figure out if I was on a date and/or taken. And of course, he was really cute and much more my type. And really funny. He kept finding ways to engage me in conversation, and he’d sort of include Fernando. Meanwhile, I would include the girl he was with – but he was mostly talking to me.
I could sense Fernando getting annoyed and he immediately started to get possessive. He also started asking me if I wanted to leave, even though he’d just said he wanted another drink. It wasn’t like this guy asked for my number, nor was I flirting with him, we were just being friendly. But Fernando’s reaction to getting possessive was a huge turn-off for me. I’m a “save the last dance for me” kind of girl anyway. But especially if you’re not my boyfriend – you have no right to start acting like it to keep me from talking to any other male in our vicinity (unless he’s creepy and I’ve asked you to).
Maybe I’m in the minority on this, but getting weirdly possessive before you’re “official” is a red flag. So, that was strike one.
Strike two came as we left that bar and talked about where we’d head next. He told me about this Peruvian place that he really liked but it was a bit further. I looked at the menu and honestly, I’m pretty adventurous but I didn’t see anything I was dying to have. Ceviche was on my list of things to try, but not that day. I also thought that we’d be getting real food, and considering how much he likes to drink – and pressure me to do so, too – I didn’t think raw seafood was the right thing to be in my stomach.
So, I told him I wasn’t sure about it this time and he said we could go someplace closer. We didn’t. He started walking towards where he had parked his car. I didn’t really know what to say because I didn’t want to argue, so I followed along. Honestly, I think he just wanted to show off his car. He’d already mentioned to me several times over text and on our date that he recently got a Tesla. I’ve been in that position before. It was pretty clear to me that he was just trying to show off. Not my thing.
We went to this Peruvian place, and it was cute. The drinks were pretty good. I did try ceviche, but he didn’t ask what kind I wanted to try. Whatever he ordered had a lot of squid/octopus – which is one of the types of seafood that I’m REALLY not a fan of. I tried one bite. It wasn’t for me. So I basically sat there and watched him eat. Not going to lie, I might have also thought about how I could find the guy from my bar once or twice, too.
Finally, we left there and went back to the area we had started in. He wanted to go to another bar that’s one of his new “favorites.” I’ve been there once before with The Cheater one time when I was hungry and made him buy me chicken fingers. They were pretty good, but this bar is not exactly one that I’d write home about. I wasn’t really sure why he loved it so much, but I figured at least maybe I’d finally get some food.
Instead, this is where strike 3 (but not the last strike) occurred.
By this point in the night, I was done but just didn’t have an exit strategy yet. Plus, I wanted chicken fingers. But it seemed Fernando forgot about the promise of appetizers. Again, all he was focused on was getting me to agree to another drink. He wanted me to have a tequila shot with him even after I’d said several times I didn’t want one. I don’t even like tequila. I literally have one friend with who I’ll do tequila shots with and that’s only because it’s her. Finally, I caved and ordered a cider just to shut him up. I told him I was looking at the food menu but he didn’t say anything. When the waiter came by, he told him we didn’t need anything. So I realized no appetizers yet again.
The real kicker, though, was when the bill came. To give him a bit of credit, at least Fernando consistently paid for me. But apparently, that’s where his giving ends because he didn’t tip the server.
I had kind of noticed something before, on our first date and the earlier bars from that night. He filled out the receipts REALLY quickly. I figured since he’s a chef and has worked in restaurants maybe he’s just really good at doing quick math. This time, though, I could see that he clearly didn’t write anything in the tip line. From what I could see, simply copied the total amount.
I honestly wouldn’t have minded if he’d asked me to cover the tip. It was better than the alternative. But I couldn’t tell for sure, so as we went to leave I lied and told him I needed to go to the bathroom. When he had his back turned, I looked at the check and realized that he had maybe tipped a dollar, but his handwriting was pretty bad. But to me, it looked like he didn’t tip at all.
This is a huge pet peeve of mine and a major red flag for me. It’s a zero-tolerance item. I mean, I’m the kind of person who tips 20% on a to-go order, but still. I went back by the restrooms and took out the few dollars I had in cash. When I found our server, I asked if he’d been tipped and he said he didn’t think so. I apologized that he hadn’t been tipped and gave him a tip myself.
Maybe I should have just left it, but that’s not my style. So when I went outside to Fernando, I decided to ask him what his dating dealbreakers are. He said people who don’t have a sense of humor and get offended by everything. That reminds me — he told me a joke earlier, after confirming that I don’t get offended easily. I honestly didn’t get it but I feel like if I did, I would have actually been offended by it. Instead, I was just offended by how stupid it was. So his was that and messy/disorganized people.
At this point, he kept putting his arm around me. He was clearly oblivious to the fact that every time he did I’d put my hands in my pockets. I’d basically recoil trying to make myself as small as possible. Or, I’d find a way to escape his very awkward embrace. He still kept trying.
But anyway, back to the dating dealbreaker. He asked for mine. I said that smoking was a big one, but I usually didn’t even go out with smokers unless I didn’t know before the date. But that really, my biggest one was bad tippers.
He got silent. But I carried on, saying that I think the way a person treats someone in the service industry says a lot about you. I was raised with the mentality of always treating the janitor with the same level of respect as the CEO. It’s important to me that the guy I end up with feels the same way. He tried to agree but it really didn’t sound very convincing to me. It also made me realize that I hadn’t seen him be particularly polite or respectful to any servers we’d encountered. Not even basic manners of making eye contact or saying “please” and “thank you.” That kind of thing. In retrospect, I probably shouldn’t have been surprised that he didn’t even tip.
I figured I’d just keep going since I was feeling feisty. (Maybe that guy who found my blog is right, I am ruthless). I said that insecurity is also a dealbreaker for me. Basically, that I’m not into guys who feel like they have to “stake their claim” on me in public. Or that constantly ask me for validation or to reinforce that I do like them, and just have a general “pick me, choose me” vibe. I also don’t like cocky guys, but it is possible to be in the middle.
Finally, I tacked on that a dealbreaker for me is when a guy shows that he isn’t willing to impress me on the first couple of dates. I don’t need a fancy steak dinner, but if you’ve forgotten to make sure that I get food when I’ve asked (and would’ve paid for myself) twice now, it’s not going to work out. You know I’m traditional in believing that a guy should pay for the first date. After that, I’ll split but I still think that the first few dates a woman should be “wooed.” And I’ll woo you back! It’s a two-way street.
The way I see it? If a guy isn’t willing to spend more than the bare minimum amount of money or energy on impressing me and making me feel special at the start, how can I expect him to give me more than the bare minimum later on after he has gotten in my pants?
Just because I was in a “screw it” mood by this point, I mentioned that in my experience, it’s the guys that make a point to brag about their high salary, fancy apartment, and/or flashy new cars (*cough* Tesla) that tend to be the worst about making me feel like I’m not worth more than a couple of drinks. I value character and experiences over material objects.
After all of that, you’d think he’d have gotten the picture yet he still kept trying to hold my hand. I would basically dead-hand him, or only give him like 2 of my fingers. But he was determined.
Finally, I think he got it when we were close to where his car was parked. I said something about it being late and my apartment not being too far. He offered to walk me back but I politely declined, mostly because I wanted tater tots (but Tasty Burger was closed). He seemed to get it, though and walked away without trying to have any other awkward physical contact with me.
On the Chopping Block
The next morning, he did text me a bit and say some things about hanging out again. He’d previously offered to cook for me, provided I bring the wine/alcohol, MULTIPLE times despite me changing the subject every single time. But, I didn’t want to be mean and lead him on or waste either of our time. So I told him the truth.
I pretty much just said that I wanted to be upfront and that it had been fun hanging out, but I didn’t see us as a good match. Which meant I didn’t see this progressing. I said there’s no chemistry or compatibility there for me, and I wanted to respect his time by being honest and clear about that. And then I wished him the best.
Again, I give Fernando credit because he handles rejection mostly well (except the first time). He replied that he’d thought about it the night before and it doesn’t seem like there’s chemistry, nor are we in the same place in our lives. And that it was clear from what I’d said on our walk that he was not what I’m looking for. All valid. All true. I mean, I’m strongly leaning towards moving soon (surprise!) so I’m not sure it’s even the right time for me to get into something serious.
What I thought was kind of funny, though, was that he explicitly said that it was what I’d said about my dealbreakers that made him realize I wasn’t that into him. So he was admitting to being kind of insecure, unwilling to put more effort into planning dates that didn’t only involve alcohol – therefore making me feel like his only goal was to impress me enough to get me drunk so I’d go home with him. And essentially, he admitted to being a bad tipper. So, all in all, my assumptions and feelings were valid. We were really not a good match.
I thanked him for understanding. I said that I knew I’d find the right guy at the right time, and to have a good weekend. And that was that. I am glad that I gave him a second chance if only because it’s better to know sooner rather than later that it wasn’t going to work so he didn’t keep reappearing. toask.
So, thank you for the experience, Chef, but you’vebeen chopped.
If you had asked me a few months ago if I thought I’d end up with this many One Hit Blunders chapters, I’d have said no. But, here we are.
The weather has been getting nicer and people are getting vaccinated. So that means that I’ve been more actively pursuing dates with some of my recent matches. Unfortunately, neither of them was my dream man, but oh well. Practice makes perfect. Let’s get into it. This week, let’s meet Fernando, The Chef, and Zane, The Protector.
Fernando and I matched on Tinder, and he seemed pretty nice right off the bat. He’s from South America originally but mostly grew up in North Carolina. So we had our home state in common, and it made for good conversation. He’s a chef and actually has a pretty cool job. Like a lot of people, he’d just moved to Boston when COVID happened, so he was eager to meet up. He hadn’t really had a chance to explore Boston yet, and now he could.
I appreciated this because, lately, I’ve really just gotten pen pals out my matches. I was trying to actually meet some of these guys and not just chat forever. So, we made plans to meet up one night after work.
It was perfect because he works not too far from where I live. We found each other, and set off on our date. We started at a bar not too far from us just. to break the ice. This place Is known for having some pretty cool cocktails, and neither of us had been. The drinks were really good and I enjoyed talking to him. Did I feel major sparks? No. Did he lie about his height? Yes. But still, he seemed like someone I could see myself being friends with. That’s better than nothing, so I was going with it. He paid for my drinks and the appetizer we split, so he also got points for that. We talked about Spain, our families, interests, all that good stuff, and overall, I was enjoying myself.
On our walk from there to another bar in the North End, he asked if he could hold my hand. I have mixed feelings on when guys ask me before doing things like this. Part of me appreciates that he’s into consent, the other part of me doesn’t know what to do. Especially because it makes it weird if/when I say no. I think it’s also probably that little bit of me that likes to think I’m SO irresistible that he can’t help but just hold my hand without asking. But, if I didn’t like him at all and he grabbed my hand, I’d be pissed (see The Creepy Catfish). What I’m really saying here is that unless I’m very into you, and you’re very into me, there’s no winning in this situation. Just take my hand. I’ll pretend to have an itch if I’m not feeling it.
In any case, we got to the next bar and we continued our conversation. I honestly don’t remember everything that we talked about, but it was nice. I think a lot of it was just being SO happy to get out of my apartment. But also, I wasn’t getting any major creepy vibes and up until that point, he at least seemed to have some social awareness, good manners, and could hold a conversation. That’s where the bar is, y’all.
At the next restaurant, we continued our conversation and had a drink. At this point, I was starting to get kind of hungry. This meant that the alcohol was also hitting me a little harder (and I’m already a lightweight). So, I suggested getting something to eat. Where we were, the food was a bit pricey and I didn’t really see anything I was dying for, so I thought maybe we could get a slice of pizza from a place down the street that sold slices. Fernando agreed.
We began walking to get pizza or find somewhere else to eat, but first Fernando had to up the “can I hold your hand?” to a, “can I kiss you?” Again, DON’T ask me. I didn’t know what to say, plus I was hungry. This time, though, I told him that I don’t really like it when guys ask me… but in any case, we kissed. I was half-vaccinated, it’s fine. The kiss was just okay. Apparently, he thought it was great, though. When I said again that I was hungry he said that maybe we could grab a bottle of wine at the store and go to my place. I figured I’d just take him to the rooftop, have some pizza and wine, and then I’d say I was tired and send him on his way. But Fernando had a different idea.
He immediately started walking towards the grocery store, completely skipping the pizza part. We got there, and I just didn’t have a good vibe anymore. I’d said multiple times at this point that I was hungry and needed to eat something before I drank anymore. So I went to the bathroom and at that point, I got really tired. When I came back out, I told him I wanted to go home. Without him. He definitely seemed disappointed but ultimately relented.
Then came the real “red flag” for me. As you can probably tell by now, I cannot stand extreme insecurity. It’s not even that, really, it’s the “pick me” vibe that some guys give off in moments of insecurity. He basically grilled me the whole way out of the store about why I didn’t want to hang out with him, what he did wrong, was I attracted to him, did I like him, yada yada. It was a huge turnoff. I actually would’ve maybe given him a second chance (without alcohol) until that point.
Finally, I escaped and went home. He did text me again that night asking if I was interested in him or not. I just wanted to eat a peanut butter sandwich and go to bed. The next day, I texted him and told him that I’d been enjoying myself but it was kind of weird that his response to me saying I needed to eat something was to get more wine and then go somewhere isolated when I was kind of tipsy. I also said that after only one date, I don’t really expect to give or get a full report if someone isn’t feeling it and calls it a night.
I will give him credit that he actually took it pretty well and didn’t argue. He actually even gave a pretty genuine apology. I wasn’t really upset, more annoyed, and I figured there are other fish in the sea. We did have the “we can be friends” talk but I wasn’t very confident that would happen. We talked one more time after that, but then just left it afterward. I was kind of disappointed that I didn’t get a good homecooked meal out of it, but oh well. So, Fernando the Chef is out.
Update: I finished writing this section on a Monday night, and Tuesday morning I woke up to a text from Fernando. He is NOT the guy I’ve been trying to manifest so I’m not sure what’s going on here, but he did ask me out again (on a full stomach). So, stay tuned for a potential part two.
Like I said, as the city started to reopen, it got easier to find people who weren’t terrified to meet in person. So, when I matched with Zane and he asked me if I wanted to go for a walk that weekend I said yes.
I will give Zane props because he was one of the few guys I’ve been out with that was actually honest about his height. He own the fact that he isn’t 6 foot. But to be totally honest, this date was not the most memorable. I do remember feeling bad because he dressed up way more than I did. Did I feel bad for dressing so casually? Yes, but also no. I mean, it was hot and we were going for a walk and he was wearing dress pants and a long-sleeved shirt.
Zane was nice, but the biggest issue with him was that he was SO protective. He is from another country that’s a bit more patriarchal than I’m used to, so I definitely understand why, but every time we crossed the street he’d put his arm in front of me or try to grab my hand. Sweet intention, but kind of made me feel like a child. Even just the way that he talked about women and everything. It seemed like he is more into the “a woman needs to be taken care of” mentality than I am.
At one point, we got talking about some of the crazy people we’ve been out on dates with and he started talking about a girl who was covered in tattoos. *Allegedly* she was also a bit crazy in some ways, but from what I gathered, it was just crazy that she had a lot of tattoos. I have six tattoos. So, it just didn’t really seem to be a good match.
We did get dinner but because of the wait times, ended up just ordering it to go and then sitting outside and eating it. This is where it gets interesting. Well, actually, first of all, this man is THE slowest eater I have ever encountered. I’m kind of a fast eater, granted, so everyone is a slow eater to me. But wow, did he take the cake. It was also just kind of weird anyway because it wasn’t even dinner time. It was like 4:00 at this point and had said I wasn’t even hungry. I ended up ordering an appetizer and bringing half home for later. Meanwhile, he ordered like a full-on entree and then proceeded to take 45 minutes to eat it.
But that’s not what made it interesting. So, quick backtrack. A few months ago, I matched with this guy on Bumble that I’ll call Nate. He was very attractive, seemed smart, a Gemini, and we had a lot in common. Had a good head on his shoulders, a bit older (like 35), and overall, seemed to be more mature and all that. We hit it off really quickly and for a few weeks, he was SO into me. Texting me every morning, remembering details, the works.
But, like so many men on dating apps, he never wanted to meet up. I even made the first move and tried to make plans with him at one point but he was too busy with work. After a bit of dealing with the confusion of his sudden disinterest, I moved on and did my own thing. However, we still followed each other on social media. One night in Arizona, when I had a particularly strong drink, I did ask him why he never made any efforts to actually meet and he said he’d just been busy (mmhmm), but after that I just let it go.
Which is why it was HILARIOUS to me when I stood up from the bench that Zane and I were sitting at to eat and began to turn and continue our walk, when who do I see on the bench right behind me? Nate. With another girl.
I was mostly just thrilled that I happened to look particularly good that day. I smiled, he recognized me, I said hi, and then strolled away. But honestly, this is how I know I’m the main character because of course something like that would happen to me. Especially because if I’m being totally honest, Zane and Nate do have similar features so it must have been pretty clear to him that I sort of have a type. I texted Nate the next day and make a joke out of it but he didn’t seem to be as amused.
The only other thing that I remember about this date is that he made me rap for him when it slipped that I knew one (and only one) rap song. He literally stopped and sat down and made me do it. Oh, and he also asked to hold my hand. I said no and told him that I’m not particularly affectionate or into PDA (not true, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings). He still did the mom-arm as we crossed streets, though.
When we parted ways, I knew that would be our one and only date. He did ask me out again, but I just used my go-to line about not feeling the spark and wishing him the best. He took it pretty well, and that was that.
So, that brings me to the end of another One Hit Blunders chapter. I’ll update you if anything happens with The Chef on a potential second date. Until next time!
Growing up as a child of the 90s, plus a Disney lover, I’ve seen about every single movie “meet-cute” you can think of. The dog leashes getting twisted at the park, getting in the same taxi, you name it, I’ve probably seen it. But one that always sort of stood out to me as especially cute was the grocery store meetup.
Growing up as a child of the 90s, plus a Disney lover, I’ve seen about every single movie “meet-cute” you can think of. The dog leashes getting twisted at the park, getting in the same taxi, you name it, I’ve probably seen it. But one that always sort of stood out to me as especially cute was the grocery store meetup.
Maybe it’s because I’m fairly short, so I always thought this was a pretty easy one to make happen. All I had to do was need something on the top shelf that I just couldn’t *quite* meet. Then, a handsome, smart guy would come out of nowhere and grab it for me. Of course, all the times that I have needed to ask someone to grab something for me it’s never been a guy even in my age range that’s available to ask for help. But I remain optimistic.
Recently, I was in Arizona. I was originally planning on just staying in the Phoenix area for a few days and taking a day trip to Sedona (where I really wanted to go). Thanks to my parents, however, I ended up spending a few days in Sedona and then headed to Phoenix. I was excited to get out in nature, have some sun (I was getting a little too pale), recharge my crystals, and mostly, just have some time to myself to think through some decisions I needed to make. Also, I was excited to have a chance to make more positive memories than the last time I was there. Really, I didn’t have any plans or expectations beyond a few things I wanted to experience at some point in both places. Having any kind of romantic entanglement was certainly not high on the priority list.
The day I drove from Sedona to Phoenix, I’d done a really cool yoga and meditation hike (which is exactly what it sounds like). But because of the weather and location, for some of it, we literally sat on the ground. That was in the morning and lasted a few hours. Then, I was in the car for two hours driving. So, I wasn’t exactly camera-ready. But after checking in at my hotel, I wanted to get a few things so that I had some snacks and breakfasts in my room. And wine. I wanted wine.
As I walked down the wine aisle, I hear two guys talking. One of them was asking the other if he knew of any sweet wines. His friend said no, he wasn’t sure. Meanwhile, I was mostly just looking for a wine with a twist top since I don’t know how to use a corkscrew, so I had plenty of time to listen in on their quest for a sweet wine.
Finally, I offered my suggestion when I noticed a wine that I like that happens to be pretty sweet. And me being my overly friendly self, I ended up spending the next few minutes helping the guy who seemed more invested in this hunt find a sweet wine. Meanwhile, he kept an eye out for a red wine with a twist top for me.
Eventually, he found his wine, but I was still looking for mine. But somehow, the wine conversation seemed to be an open invitation to him to linger for a while, so he introduced himself. He gave me two names that weren’t even slightly related and I’m still not sure which was his actual name. Think of him saying something like, “My name is Deacon but you can call me Lee.”
For the purpose of this story, we’ll go with Lee.
He tried to shake my hand but I said no because I’d been traveling and just wanted to be respectful towards his health. This was true, but also I feel like I just haven’t had human contact with strangers in so long I was caught off-guard. But, he understood. He asked me where I’d flown in from, I said Atlanta (which was true). Then, why I was in Arizona, I said some friends and I were getting together for one of their birthdays (which was not true) and I was in charge of getting some things for the first night. I was NOT about to tell some guy I didn’t know that I was traveling alone.
Eventually, as it always happens, he asked for my number. And as usual, I gave him my fake one. He finally walked away to find his friend and I timed my exit from the grocery store perfectly. I had noticed that he’d already texted me, but I don’t text and drive. Plus, I wanted to wait until I was back and settled in the hotel before I answered.
When I did answer an hour or two later, he said he thought that I was already ghosting him. Great. Y’all know how much I love a guy who can’t handle if a girl doesn’t immediately respond. Then he asked how I’m single, because I seem like a “beautiful, intelligent, ambitious girl.” Which is true. But I’d forgotten that I mentioned something to him about looking at law schools, so it kind of creeped me out at first that he somehow knew all of this. But points for the compliment regardless.
Lee started trying to hang out VERY quickly. Which, I get, because he’s also not from Arizona. He actually lives in California, but he’s a personal trainer (what is it with me and personal trainers??) and has some clients in the area that he comes out to visit. But Lee was with friends. Obviously, I couldn’t hang out with them when I said I was also with a group but actually didn’t know anyone out there. At least not that wanted to hang out with me. The first night, I said we were just chilling at the hotel. He asked what the plans for the weekend were and I said it was up the birthday girl.
Over the weekend, Lee just did NOT get that I wasn’t interested. Maybe I shouldn’t have given him my number if I wasn’t interested. But at the time I did think it might be nice to make a friend while I was out there. Plus it just wasn’t a super comfortable position to be in and say no. But Lee kept saying that he just “wanted to have fun.” So it became pretty clear to me why he was so insistent on hanging out. Like, calling me four times in a row kind of insistent. And that’s just not my style.
The next night, I had plans to go out to dinner. But, the place I chose had a super long wait so I went back to my hotel. When he asked what we were doing, I just said we had dinner plans but might go out later. Then I ignored his texts for the rest of the night because he kept asking me if we wanted to pregame with them. I haven’t pregamed since college, so at this point I started to question how old he was.
The next day, I told him we weren’t huge club people and that we were more dinner people. Then he sort of invited himself to our next dinner in a roundabout way, so I knew to avoid that topic for the rest of the day. He did ask me some questions about myself, which was nice I guess. I did learn that we are the same age, but he kept using the wrong “your/you’re” form. That’s a HUGE pet peeve of mine. I managed to avoid the going-out topic in that conversation, which again you’d think he’d have taken as a signal. But no.
I had already decided to extend my stay, but no way was I telling him that. As far as he knew, I was leaving Monday so on Sunday, he was REALLY trying to get together. At this point, I asked some friends on Instagram which approach I should take – honest truth that I just wasn’t interested in hanging out, or honest truth that I’m super into crystals and energies and had to do my full moon ritual that night. They chose the second option.
So I told him that my friends and I had to get ready for the full moon that evening. I thought about milking it more and mentioning a sacrifice or something really weird – one of my friends suggested I say we were hoping for better harvests, I was thinking saying that we’d also be manifesting fertility – but I decided to leave it as a vague “are they a witch coven or just weird?” interpretation.
I thought that would be it. But no. Later that day, he responded asking me what the ritual was. I told him, and STILL not getting it. He asked me if we could talk more about it. At that, I just stopped responding. If you’re not going to get the picture, not my problem. I really thought that the “she might be a witch” stuff would do it, but Lee was determined.
At least I learned that grocery store meetings are possible, though. And that I’ve still got it even when wearing dirt colored pants and smelling like a rental car. My friends are all in agreement that I’m the only person they know who’d go to a grocery store in a completely different state and meet a guy who asked for my number, and then have to pretend to be in a witch coven to get rid of. I think that’s accurate. It looks like the Universe isn’t quite done with giving me blog material just yet.
But to end on a happy note, I did finally release a lot of the stagnant energy and hurt and feelings I was still holding onto from my experience last year while I was there, and I finally feel like I’ve learned all the lessons I was meant to learn from that. My friend said that when that happens, it means the Universe is getting ready to send someone new into your life and that it’ll be a positive experience… so who knows, hopefully one of my next few posts will be about the grocery store meet-cute that I really want.
Don’t judge me, but back in the day, I was VERY into “Teen Wolf.” And by ‘back in the day,’ I mean five years ago.
I’d like to say that I was mostly interested in it because Tyler Hoechlin is a beautiful man, which is true. Or, because I fell for Dylan O’Brien’s comedic timing, which is also true. But, really, I’m just a nerd who was very into supernatural-like shows (including “Supernatural” itself… still crying over that finale).
In any case, when I went to Orlando for my first college program and discovered that my neighbor turned best friend, Tanner, was also a big “Teen Wolf” fan, I was very excited. We talked about it. We watched it. It was just one of the many things we were able to bond over throughout our program.
The day that we discovered that Orlando would be hosting a Teen Wolf convention at a nearby Sheraton – appropriately called BeaCON Chills – we were over the moon. We immediately bought basic tickets (Disney doesn’t pay a lot, okay?) and were thrilled to go. We requested different work schedules and everything. Dedication.
The first day, we got there early to scope out the hotel. This proved to be a great idea because after taking weird videos in the hallways, we hung out in the lobby. There, we were able to meet and get photos with Dylan Sprayberry and Arden Cho by ‘casually’ bumping into them while they were checking in. I think that’s also how we met Eaddy Mays.
Once we got registered, we were invited into the main room where most of the events would be held. It was around this point that the organizers – and the actors – realized that BeaCON Chills was not going to be as popular as they might have hoped. So essentially, it pretty quickly turned into a pretty low-key event. The actors just kind of hung out with the barely a dozen or so of us that decided to attend.
Also, to be clear, none of the official “main characters” were there. It was Arden, Dylan, and Eaddy, who all played minor or supporting roles. Also, one of the main character’s dads (Sheriff Stilinski/Linden Ashby), the actor who played the lacrosse coach, another supporting side character that Tanner had the hots for, and another actor that was on the show for only a bit. He is the main subject of this story.
I’m still going to give him a fake name because that’s kind of my thing at this point, but I’m fully aware that y’all can just Google this and find out who it is. But, he’s a twin, a few years older than me, and he was also on “Desperate Housewives.” I’m going to call him Ed.
Ed is pretty attractive. Maybe more so to the sexually repressed virginal version of myself that I was at this time, versus my perception of his looks today. So being the person I am, always looking to go big or go home, and forever on the hunt for an entertaining story, I decided pretty quickly that my mission for the weekend was to lose my virginity to him. I had realized by that time that the whole “waiting for marriage” thing was not going to pan out for me like I’d planned. But, I hadn’t gotten involved with Christian just yet, so this seemed like the perfect opportunity.
To be fair, this wasn’t a completely baseless decision. There was some definite sexual tension with me and Ed.
For instance, when we first got there and the organizers realized it was going to be a small group, for the ‘kickoff’ event they basically just had us all sit in a circle and talk to the actors. I ended up right next to Ed. I could tell that the other girls were a bit jealous about this, but I was actually pretty chill about it. At the end of the day, he’s just a human. Really, I don’t get very starstruck for even A-List people, and I think he was into that.
I don’t remember what, but at one point he said something kind of sassy to me. So I told him he was an asshole. It looked like the other girls were going to kill me the way they looked at me. But he thought it was funny, he laughed. Then we all got talking about horoscopes and star signs, and he told me to guess his sign. I guessed he was a Virgo, and he went, “I’m definitely not a Virgo” and winked. To that, I rolled my eyes. Again, he thought it was funny that I was clearly not fawning over him like he was probably used to. He also would occasionally touch my arm or something. So, again, mild sexual tension.
Tanner and I had a great time at the convention. There was a really fun scavenger hunt, lots of Q&As, and just some fun times. There was one day where for extra money you could go to this separate room and take a bunch of pictures with them. But we didn’t have money for it. So instead, we hung out in the other room. We took selfies saying, “Help us, we’re poor,” and tagging them in it. One of the actresses thought this was hilarious, and ended up inviting us in anyway. I’m pretty sure this was another moment where everyone who actually paid more hated us.
Tanner went to more of the events then I did because I refused to call out of work for it. On one of the days Linden Ashby found out I wasn’t there because I didn’t want to call out of work. Everyone knew we were a package deal, so they’d all been asking for me. When I got there later in the day, he told me he was proud of me. He’s like, TV Dad goals, so that was pretty amazing. He said this to me during the Halloween party night where I was Ariel and literally wearing nothing but a mostly sheer green skirt and a purple bra. This costume was mostly done to make progress on my mission, but I’m getting ahead of myself.
The biggest bit of progress I had was one day where they had a break between panels. During it, I went up to Ed and told him that I was really cold, and asked if he was going back to his hotel room at all. When he said yes, I told him to bring me back a jacket. He said he would.
But he forgot. He did go up to his room, but forgot to grab me a jacket. So when the panel resumed, I asked him where my jacket was. He felt so bad for forgetting that he literally jumped off the stage and came over and took the jacket he was wearing off to put it on me. The other girls there swooned.
I, of course, went to the bathroom and took a lot of selfies wearing this jacket. Then I had a great idea that I probably stole from an outdated “Seventeen” article. I’d put my phone in the pocket. Then, when I gave it back to him at the end of the day I’d ‘forget’ to take it out of the pocket. This would force him to have to figure out how to get it back to me.
This failed. The second I gave it back to him he was like, “Uh, you forgot your phone.” So that was a bust, but I was kind of proud of my attempt.
Other than that, he was actually really nice. I told him that I’d wanted to be an actress when I was younger and he gave me some solid advice about how to break into it if I ever decided to pursue it. He even followed me on Twitter so I had a way to get in touch with him if I had more questions.
By the last day, I knew I was running out of time with my mission. Hence my very slutty mermaid Halloween costume. I looked cute, though. To be honest, I’m pretty sure my tactic for seducing him (besides my clothing) was basically just like, existing. I was in WAY over my head. At this point, all I’d ever done was kiss, and he could probably tell. I mean, I remember when I told Christian I was a virgin like it was some big secret. Instead, he laughed because it was so blatantly obvious. Ed seems like a decent person and not a self-proclaimed virginity collector like some people I know. So, that was probably was a turn-off instead of a turn-on. Which is understandable. Can’t fault him for that.
My last attempt was at the farewell event which was basically a very awkward dance party. I invited a friend of mine from work, Courtney, which was fun. She taught me how to do the Bernie (remember when that was a thing?). But alas, no progress was made that night other than him signing my shirt. He started doing autographs and I couldn’t find any paper, so he offered to sign my shirt instead. (It seemed cool at the time.) So I ended that night, and a week of being one of the more normal ones at a “Teen Wolf” convention, still holding that V-card.
I’m pretty sure he was also dating a girl from the show at the time. That also probably contributed to the fact that the mild sexual tension never went any further. Again, decent person. We had like one Twitter message conversation a while after that, but then I deleted that account.
Tanner thinks I should just send this to him but I’m (fortunately or unfortunately, I can’t decide) kind of losing my crazy streak. So I feel like I’ll just keep this one to myself.
So, that’s the story of my failed attempt to lose my virginity to a supporting actor at a fucking “Teen Wolf” convention. Which was held at a very touristy Sheraton. Clearly, I had low standards at the time. Considering how I did end up losing my virginity, and who it was to, unfortunately my standards did not raise much in the few months after that. Seriously, Madeline, a Macaroni Grill was your idea of a romantic date? But, fortunately, I have a great sense of humor. And, I realized that it was not nearly as big of a deal as I made it out to be at the time.
I would love to run into Ed again someday just for the fun of it. Especially because now that I think about it, he owes me a game of “Guitar Hero.” But for now, I get to have the memories of a very strange but entertaining convention, and an amazing week with my best friend.
Hello again, friends! Welcome back to another week. It feels so good to be writing again, and I’m especially excited for this week’s chapter.
A little while ago, I asked my friends on Instagram to ask me some dating and sex-related questions that I could answer on my blog, and they delivered. So while I won’t have one specific story for you this week, I’ll be sharing some extra information with y’all throughout my answers. So sit back, relax, and enjoy.
1. What are your top three deal breakers on a first date?
This is a good question, and very easy for me to answer. I have misophonia. It basically means that certain sounds trigger me in a way that might seem unreasonable, but I literally cannot control how much I can’t stand them. It’s a thing, look it up. The BIGGEST trigger for my misophonia is loud chewing. I absolutely cannot stand it. I thought about going to see “A Quiet Place” in the theater until I saw a whole bunch of people with misophonia saying it was basically torture. All they could concentrate on was people eating popcorn loudly. Some things are crunchy, sure, but excessive crunching, mouth/lip noises, it’s a huge no from me. That will not be the soundtrack to the rest of my life. So that’s my number one.
My second one would be people who are rude to the waiter/waitress, or anyone in the service industry. It’s a huge turn-off and 100% not the kind of person I want to be with. I’d say my third is smoking because that’s a big deal breaker for me, but I’m usually good about screening them out before I even get on a date with them. Instead, I’ll say cockiness. I love a confident and ambitious guy, but if they cross that line into “cocky” territory, they’re out.
2. Do you listen to Call Her Daddy? How do you feel about it?
A friend of mine did tell me to listen to it so I did for awhile, then I got out of it. Honestly I just couldn’t stand their voices. I did start listening again recently. I like listening to podcasts while I’m working and I didn’t feel like searching for another one. While it is pretty funny – and I will give them some credit for sort of inspiring me to start this – I’m not a huge fan. Beyond the whole Alex / Sofia drama, they’re both narcissists and promote some extremely toxic behaviors that I can’t justify. So I listen to it for the funny stories and sex tips more than actually trying to be a “Daddy” or taking any of their advice seriously.
I’ve also heard that Alex isn’t as funny without Sofia or her ghostwriter so I probably won’t continue listening past The Funeral. But like I said, it is entertaining I just don’t get all the hype. Then again maybe I’m just bitter. I sent in a recording to be a guest co-host when they were advertising that – because I am all about taking advantage of opportunities to promote myself (wait, am I a narcissist?) – and they never even sent me a generic email response.
3. If you could sleep with any celebrity, who would it be?
Another easy (but good) question – Liam Hemsworth, 100%. I am in love with him.
4. What’s the weirdest thing a guy has asked you to do?
I’ve probably been asked to do some weird things that I’m not remembering, but really only one comes to mind. I don’t think I talked about this in the post, but The Area Manager asked me if I’d let him pee on me. We were talking about if we had any kinks and if so, what they were. He told me that that’s his biggest one and he’s never had a girl let him do that (gee, I wonder why?). So he asked if I would. In this same conversation he was also confessing to engaging in some pretty odd sexual acts, so I guess at the time I just felt like the pee-thing was relatively tame based on his past experiences, so I was just kind of like, “Probably not,” and moved on.
Actually, I think I told him that since we still had plans to go to the beach at that time, maybe I’d get stung by a jellyfish. Then he could live out his dream that way since everyone pees in the ocean anyway (don’t act like you don’t), and then told him that in any other situation, that would be a no, and I changed the subject.
5. Why should someone have a healthy sex life?
I think it’s super important to have a healthy sex life! It’s so good to get in touch with yourself and learn what you like. Plus there are studies all the time telling us how it’s good for your physical and mental health to have frequent sex. But beyond the obvious benefits, I think it’s important to (1), get in touch with your own sexuality and understand how you relate to it and feel about it, (2), embrace your sexuality and know that it doesn’t make you a bad person (got to love that Catholic-guilt), and (3), find someone who loves that aspect of you as much as you do.
Coming from someone who felt very sexually repressed (mostly my own doing) for most of my formative years, I can honestly say that taking the time to evaluate your relationship with your own sexuality and feelings towards sex is crucial to actually enjoying it. It’s an important way to express intimacy and feel close to someone. But mostly, get more in touch with yourself and find even more things to love about your absolutely amazing self.
6. What’s your go-to post-sex snack?
You know I don’t really know that I have one? But I guess it would be the same as my go-to drunk snack. Which is essentially any combination of carbs and cheese. Nachos, mozzarella sticks… something along those lines. Or maybe something sweet . Pierre gave me macarons from Laduree (my absolute favorite), and I’m pretty sure I’ve made myself sugar cookies on at least one or two occasions.
7. What are your thoughts on lingerie?
I love lingerie! It makes me feel so fancy! If only guys appreciated it as much as I do. I think I’ve been with two guys that actually appreciated my lingerie and weren’t just like, “Cool, can you take it off now?” Sometimes I wear it at home for myself because it makes me feel extra confident and sexy. I think it’s pretty and can be so empowering, even when I’m just wearing it for myself.
I have a couple of cute sets from Adore Me, but honestly most of mine is from Amazon. These are my favorite sets (one, two, three). They were purchased for a photoshoot I did but ended up not needing them. I feel like because I’m single and don’t wear it a lot, it’s not worth spending too much on it. But when I find a guy who appreciates it and whisks me off to Paris every other month, maybe I’ll splurge on some La Perla.
8. What’s your favorite sex toy?
Believe it or not I’m not a huge fan of sex toys. Christian bought me my first couple of toys, – one I left on his car one of the many times I was mad at him, and the other I threw out. I love going to sex toy stores, though, because I think it’s entertaining and very eye-opening. I’ve brought a couple of friends to ones for the first time. Including the time my roommate and I got lost on the bad side of Orange Blossom Trail at midnight.
But the one sex toy that I can honestly give a great review is the Womanizer. There are lots of different versions. I think I just have the classic. One of my friends from work came in one day talking about how amazing it was. She talked about it all day so I gave in and decided to try it out.
9. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done for a guy? The most romantic?
Craziest thing I’ve done FOR a guy or TO a guy? Because those would be two different answers.
For, I would say lying to my family about “getting coffee” so that I could make a 30 minute drive in 23 minutes trying to cross “Australian” off my list only to get stood up by Bruce. And then buying tickets to another one of his shows just to fuck with him a little.
To, well, I do always say I’m a “slow simmering 2, ready to boil up to 10 at any moment” when it comes to the Crazy Scale. I could probably do a whole chapter on all the times I’ve been a bit crazy. I would say the top three craziest things I’ve done are: (1) having a stakeout with my best friend where I left eggs on Christian’s windshield (so he knew I could have egged his car), a vibrator on his car door, and a pair of underwear on his front door, and then calling him repeatedly, (2) Venmoing Al asking to pay me back for birth control months after he ghosted me and then talking to his parents when I saw him at work, or (3) meeting a guy in a Best Buy parking lot so I could tell if I felt comfortable going to his place.
Most romantic thing I’ve ever done? Definitely fly across the country to spend the weekend with a guy I’d only met once, but we all know how that ended up.
Also as a total aside, for some reason this question made me realize I’ve never talked about how I tried to lose my virginity to an actor at a Teen Wolf Convention (I feel like I was **THIS** close). That will definitely be an upcoming chapter.
10. How do you feel about PornHub? What about OnlyFans?
I don’t really watch porn. It’s too long, the guys are never hot (RIP Tumblr porn gifs, you are missed), and the baby-feminist in me can’t get past how the women are treated. So I don’t really have strong feelings on PornHub in that respect. However, on a serious note I do know that they don’t do a very good job of moderating their videos. I don’t want to get into details because I know they could be triggering for a lot of people, so you can do the research yourself. But I think that if you’re going to run a site like that you have a responsibility to keep children, assault victims, and sex workers safe.
OnlyFans, I don’t really know too much about it. I know what it is and the basic premise but I’m not positive I fully understand how it works. Maybe I’m just overthinking it. I know Bella Thorne and all the ‘celebrities’ who hopped on there suck. But, I think human bodies are beautiful. I don’t think that there should be ANY shame in choosing to share it if you feel comfortable with doing so. So long as it’s safe. Have I thought about starting one from time to time? Yes. Especially during the worst parts of the pandemic where this girl needed some $$, but I don’t think it’s for me. But more power to anyone who does!
11. Does your family know about and read your blog?
My family knows about it. I think I told my dad about it but I don’t remember. My mom reads it (hi, mom) even though she knows pretty much everything on here already since I tell her everything. I know my grandma reads it, she thinks it’s hilarious. I’m pretty sure a couple of my aunts read it as well. But my brother and my dad are forbidden from reading it. I sent one chapter to my brother but told him that was the only one he’s allowed to read.
12. What’s the worst sex you’ve ever had?
This is kind of tough because I’ve been lucky to never have had truly awful sex. Gut reaction, I’d say Chad not because he’s bad necessarily but just because I really don’t think I was in the right headspace at the time. I also don’t think we really had good chemistry, nor were we really working as a team. When I really think about it, though, I’d have to say Christian. Again, not that he’s bad but I think at the time I built him up SO much. I didn’t really have anything to compare him to, and now that I do I realize it wasn’t anything very exciting or memorable. Plus, I’ve had much more fun with guys who actually listened to what I did and didn’t want to do. And didn’t make me feel bad if I wasn’t up for performing that day.
13. What hasn’t a man swooped you up yet? You’re a CATCH.
Easily my favorite question here. I DON’T KNOW! I always tell myself that God just has someone so incredibly amazing for me that it wouldn’t be fair if I’d had good relationships in the past, too. But being totally honest, I think I really needed some time to myself. I needed to figure out why I wanted a relationship, what I was looking for, and what I could bring to the table beyond great baking abilities and lots of dad jokes. For a long time I was definitely wanting a boyfriend for the wrong reasons. I was lonely or I wanted to be validated or make someone jealous. But I’ve done a lot of work on myself and grown a lot. I dated myself and all that good stuff, so I definitely feel like I’m in the right place to be in a HEALTHY relationship for the first time ever.
Now it’s just a matter of finding someone, which if my Bumble and Tinder accounts are accurate does not seem super promising. There are not many suitable options there. If the world could just open up again so that I can meet someone amazing in real-life, that would be great. I know he’s out there!
Well, that’s it for today, y’all! I hope you enjoyed this one and if you ever have any other questions you want to see answered, feel free to send them my way. I am clearly an open-book. Have a great week! Be safe!