Chapter 45: The Texan

Like I said in my last post, I recently deleted my dating apps. But, I still had them before my trips to Austin, Texas, and Scottsdale, Arizona. I wanted to move to either of those places, so I thought it would be helpful to see what the guys were like. So, I used Hinge and changed my neighborhood to the Austin area, and did some swiping. I did match with a couple of guys who didn’t seem totally awful and a few that I knew would not be for me. Ultimately, I made plans to meet up with one of them while I was there – Joseph.

Joseph isn’t actually from Texas. He’s from the East Coast but was raised in California and now lives in Austin. But for this story, I’m just going to call him The Texan because it works.

Joseph was pretty cute, a little short, but I’m not too much of a heightist. He was funny and seemed pretty decent. Honestly, he wasn’t 100% “my type,” but I’m trying to be better about that, too. I figured I’d try something new. So we messaged, and then texted for a bit, and decided to meet up on my first day there. I kind of regretted telling him about what time I was set to land, though. He seemed to want to meet up pretty much immediately, but I kind of just ignored him for a bit until I got settled in.

Eventually, we met up at a brewery that the front desk agent at my hotel had recommended. I wanted to explore East Austin, and she suggested it as a starting point. Even though I don’t really drink beer, I thought it would be fun. So I invited him to join me after I ate a late breakfast. As I usually do, I had to go back through his profile and our previous conversations to remember what he looked like and what topics we’d already covered. Once I did, I was ready.

I got there first, but since I’m not a beer fan, it worked out – it took me a very long time to decide what I wanted to get. When he did arrive, he was actually a bit cuter in person. Still a bit short, though. But overall I got a pretty good vibe – more ‘friend’ than ‘boyfriend,’ but better than ‘run away’! We ordered our beers and sat down, and started talking.

After we had a drink there, we decided to walk around and ended up at a cocktail bar not too far away. I appreciated that he paid for my drinks without question, seemed interested in what I had to say, remembered other details about me, and wasn’t trying to get in my pants right off the bat. Sometimes it’s sad to realize that this is where the bar is at this point.

But, while Joseph wasn’t awful and seemed mostly decent, he was a bit too clingy for me. I feel like he had this idea that we would meet on my first day and have such amazing chemistry that we spent my whole time there together and then fell madly in love, so I moved there. But that’s not what happened. It’s also not what I wanted to happen. But Joseph started to get a bit clingy, so I started to step on the brakes. I even lied about the hotel I was staying at . Not just for safety, but because I didn’t trust that he wouldn’t just show up outside my hotel “coincidentally” at some point during my stay.

After we had our drinks, he offered to drive me back to my hotel. But obviously, since I told him I was staying somewhere else I said no. I also kind of wanted to explore a bit more. But, it was nice of him to offer. That is, until he began texting me every day for the rest of my trip asking if I wanted to meet up again.

I like the interest, but I’d also already told him that I had plans of my own – which was true. I really wasn’t sure I’d be able to meet more than once since it was such a quick trip. But like I said, I think he had an idea of some sort of crazy romantic movie-type story unfolding. And I was just not into it.

I did think about meeting up with him one night, though. I had met up with a friend at a bar I knew wasn’t too far from him and thought about reaching out. Then we ended up totally losing track of time so I decided to go back to my hotel instead. I did text him that I had planned on trying to meet up with him but that the night had gotten away from me. I mean, it was pretty late, and it was my last night before heading to Arizona so I wanted to get some sleep. He took it pretty well, though.

The next day, though, he texted me again when I was leaving Austin for Arizona to ask me if I was planning on coming back. He also said that he “really saw this going somewhere” and wanted me to let him know if I did end up moving here. I was honest that I didn’t really see myself moving there, but that if I ever came back to visit I’d try to let him know. Really, Austin was just not for me – fun city, however.

Photo by Tembela Bohle on Pexels.com

I didn’t have high expectations for a date with anyone while I was there so it was fine. I mostly just wanted a local to show me around a bit, but I could definitely tell that he had some other plans. Don’t get me wrong, I love a guy who’s enthusiastic and interested. But he was a bit too interested and excited that I wasn’t from there.

It kind of made me feel like maybe there’s a reason why he hasn’t had any luck with a girl in Austin and was looking for someone new to the area. Maybe that’s just me but it’s kind of a red flag when a guy is clearly missing signals that I wanted my time and space to do my own thing. Instead, he was trying to get me, basically a stranger, to spend my whole trip with him. Not a crazy red flag, but just not one I want to ignore.

I’m also not sure what it is about me that so far, I find guys who are either madly in love with me from date one or want nothing to do with me after one date. I’m clearly very much a love or hate kind of person. But I’m changing that!

In any case, Joseph was not the one and that’s perfectly fine with me. Especially since I’m not moving to Texas. I did search for some matches in Arizona but didn’t find any worth going out with, which was fine. However, I did make a friend early on in my trip. I ended up hanging out with her and her boyfriend a bit, which was much more fun anyway.

And after those trips, I deleted all of my apps – for good. I didn’t use them when I was in the Outer Banks. I wasn’t even tempted to redownload. Now that I’m back in Boston I’m planning on doing it all the old-fashioned way. I feel like I’ve dated every guy in Boston already, but maybe there are a few unicorns who weren’t on any apps that I’ve yet to meet. So from now on, no more dating app stories. Only “real life” ones. Will I meet anyone this way? I’m optimistic. Will they be story worthy? I guess we have to wait and see. Stay tuned.

Chapter 44: I Deleted My Dating Apps ft. The Baseball Player and The Namecaller

Y’all, I just couldn’t do it anymore – I deleted my dating apps. 

A few weeks ago, I deleted Tinder and Bumble. But, I did make a Hinge profile specifically so that I can get an idea of what the options are like when I was in Austin and Scottsdale (more on that later). But as of last night, when I returned, that was gone, too. 

So, what drew me to make this decision? Honestly, a lot of things.


1. Quality

The biggest reason was that I have just not been finding quality guys on these apps. The few times I thought I had someone decent, it was a bust. Take Brad, The Baseball Player. We matched, texted a bit, went out for drinks and apps, and had a really great time. I actually liked him more than I expected to. He has a good job, works really hard (work ethic is one of my biggest non-sexual turn-ons), is tall, and was really nice and very funny the whole time. We shared some amazing appetizers, and I genuinely had a great time. We talked a bit for a couple of days after, and then nothing. He literally just disappeared.  

I’m not saying that Brad isn’t a quality guy. He did have a lot of qualities that I’m looking for. But he clearly didn’t have one quality that is extremely important to me – communication skills. Either he wasn’t willing to make the effort, or didn’t know how to (and I don’t want to be the one courting a guy). Or, he just didn’t want to tell me he wasn’t interested anymore. No matter what, it just wasn’t a match. 

Besides Brad, I haven’t actually been out with more than one of my recent matches. Frankly, they just weren’t that interesting. I haven’t found a single guy who makes me excited to get a message from him in several months. Yes, I know people can come off as different over text versus in person, but still. It’s just not exciting anymore.

Finally, don’t even get me started on all the catfishers.

2. Quantity

This one is pretty straightforward. I have seen SO many of the same guys on these apps. Some of them I’ve seen each time I’ve redownloaded the apps in a moment of weakness. (This mostly happens when I need an ego boost). Yes, I know that this means that I’m still single, too… but I usually delete my apps if I’m seeing someone. Then, I update them if I go back on. But I’ve seen some guys who have basically the exact same profile which is very suspicious to me – does that mean you’ve just been chilling with the exact same profile for years and haven’t had to get off of it for even a few months? Or, they leave it up while they’re dating someone.

I’ve also even accidentally rematched with guys I’ve matched with on another app before but, for whatever reason, disregarded as someone with actual potential. Then when I realize it, I have to unmatch them again. I really thought Boston was a big city – but the amount of guys I’ve seen MULTIPLE times shows me that is a lie. 

Side note, I saw The Boyfriend again. He’s still lying about who he is, but at least he’s updated his photos. I tried to report him but it wouldn’t let me.

3. Guys Who Hide Behind their Phones

To be fair, this one kind of goes along with “Quality,” but I wanted to make a distinction. It’s one thing to just have a lot of guys that I have nothing in common with. Or guys who don’t know how to actually date. But i’s another to have guys that feel like because they don’t actually know you, they can be mean. 

The amount of guys who immediately turn things sexual is obscene and, if I weren’t such a hopeless romantic, it would make me sad and disheartened. I mean, a lot of guys are sexist anyway but they feel like since they’re on their phones they can get away with it more. 

Then there are the guys who are just straight-up rude. For instance, one specific guy I matched with. I honestly don’t want to waste too much energy coming up with a fake name or nickname for him. I’ll just call him The Namecaller. 

Once we switched to (Google Voice) text, he got kind of weird. Constantly asking me where I was, what I was doing, who I was with. If I went out to dinner, he’d ask me where and then ask how far it was from where I lived.

When I mentioned that a lot of my friends had moved from the city, but then later said I was hanging out with a friend to get him to leave me alone, he made it sound like I just wasn’t allowed to have any friends since I’d told him a lot of them moved. He was always trying to find out where I was and where I lived. He asked several times if I had any roommates. It freaked me out. 

One day, I “accidentally” unmatched him and he flipped out. He started messaging me asking why I unmatched him, and I just said it was an accident. But I also mentioned that his constantly interrogating me on where I was didn’t sit well with me. And, it made me uncomfortable. Then he just started to get rude and unnecessarily sassy. After a bit, I told him that I didn’t see it working out and was no longer interested in going out with him. 

He did not take this well. He got super defensive and accusatory and started insulting me. So I said that if this was how he reacted to a woman saying no to a date – which I had every right to do – I was glad I’d said no. And then he just got even worse. He called me “rude,” and said that he didn’t understand how I expected anyone to want to date me if this was how I was going to be about simple questions. I didn’t even answer. I just blocked him. Sorry, I’ve already had a guy tell me nobody would ever love me – I’m not about to listen to another mediocre manchild tell me the same thing.

The funny thing is he used to live in my building. Luckily, that made it easier to find him and block him on Facebook, too. Just in case. 

4. Time and Energy

We all know that we shouldn’t be spending so much time on our phones, and I am passionate about that. I’ve been actively trying to be less attached to my phone. I turned off most notifications, deleted some of my most used apps, etc. I could think of 100 other things that are a much better use of my time and energy than sitting on my phone swiping on guys that I probably won’t like, or who probably won’t even answer me if we do match. 

I’m trying to better myself. I’m on a big self-love and growth journey right now. And this will help me become the person I want to be. Ultimately, this will help me be someone who is a better girlfriend. Wasting my time on guys who, frankly, aren’t worth it when I could be doing something valuable just doesn’t make any sense to me anymore. 

Especially since so many of the profiles are actually bots that the companies use to keep people interested in swiping for hours on end. It’s just an energy and time sucker. I don’t feel like participating anymore. 

I also believe in the Law of Attraction, and I just don’t have good expectations from dating apps. Sometimes, they don’t make me feel good about myself. I’d rather be out there living my life and being amazing and feeling positive. That way, I’ll meet men who are also amazing and positive.

CHAPTER 43: THE CHEF, PART II

In my last post, I told you that part two of my story with The Chef, Francisco, might be coming. And, guess what? It did. After he randomly reappeared in my life several weeks after our first date, I decided to give him one more chance. 


As I said, he wasn’t completely awful on our first date until the end. He did accept my feedback graciously and maturely and offered what seemed like a genuine apology. Plus, when we talked this time he promised that we’d get appetizers and actually eat this time. So I felt like maybe one more date wasn’t an awful idea. Was that the right call? You can be the judge.


Strike One

We went to a bar that he suggested. He claims to have gone there multiple times over the past few months and it’s a new favorite. However, he didn’t know that it’s about to close. Plus, he needed Google Maps to get there. But anyway, onward we went. 

The bar was okay. It’s definitely a local hotspot because it was very busy, which I expected since it’s about to close. They were out of a lot, so I got a seltzer and he got a beer. Then, we found a spot along a back wall to talk. 

Pretty quickly, I was reminded of why I didn’t feel the spark. But, I was already committed and I didn’t want to be rude and bail. I wanted to give a real second chance, not 10 minutes. Fernando did ask me why I decided to go out with him again. I said because he took my criticism well and apologized. And I had nothing else to do that night. At least I’m honest, right?

At the bar, there was a guy that looked about my age, maybe a year or two older. He was with a girl, but I definitely didn’t get girlfriend/date vibes from either of them. And he kept talking to me. I felt like he was trying to figure out if I was on a date and/or taken. And of course, he was really cute and much more my type. And really funny. He kept finding ways to engage me in conversation, and he’d sort of include Fernando. Meanwhile, I would include the girl he was with – but he was mostly talking to me. 

I could sense Fernando getting annoyed and he immediately started to get possessive. He also started asking me if I wanted to leave, even though he’d just said he wanted another drink. It wasn’t like this guy asked for my number, nor was I flirting with him, we were just being friendly. But Fernando’s reaction to getting possessive was a huge turn-off for me. I’m a “save the last dance for me” kind of girl anyway. But especially if you’re not my boyfriend – you have no right to start acting like it to keep me from talking to any other male in our vicinity (unless he’s creepy and I’ve asked you to). 

Maybe I’m in the minority on this, but getting weirdly possessive before you’re “official” is a red flag. So, that was strike one. 


Strike Two

Strike two came as we left that bar and talked about where we’d head next. He told me about this Peruvian place that he really liked but it was a bit further. I looked at the menu and honestly, I’m pretty adventurous but I didn’t see anything I was dying to have. Ceviche was on my list of things to try, but not that day. I also thought that we’d be getting real food, and considering how much he likes to drink – and pressure me to do so, too – I didn’t think raw seafood was the right thing to be in my stomach. 

So, I told him I wasn’t sure about it this time and he said we could go someplace closer. We didn’t. He started walking towards where he had parked his car. I didn’t really know what to say because I didn’t want to argue, so I followed along. Honestly, I think he just wanted to show off his car. He’d already mentioned to me several times over text and on our date that he recently got a Tesla. I’ve been in that position before. It was pretty clear to me that he was just trying to show off. Not my thing.

We went to this Peruvian place, and it was cute. The drinks were pretty good. I did try ceviche, but he didn’t ask what kind I wanted to try. Whatever he ordered had a lot of squid/octopus – which is one of the types of seafood that I’m REALLY not a fan of. I tried one bite. It wasn’t for me. So I basically sat there and watched him eat. Not going to lie, I might have also thought about how I could find the guy from my bar once or twice, too. 

Finally, we left there and went back to the area we had started in. He wanted to go to another bar that’s one of his new “favorites.” I’ve been there once before with The Cheater one time when I was hungry and made him buy me chicken fingers. They were pretty good, but this bar is not exactly one that I’d write home about. I wasn’t really sure why he loved it so much, but I figured at least maybe I’d finally get some food.

Instead, this is where strike 3 (but not the last strike) occurred. 

Strike Three

By this point in the night, I was done but just didn’t have an exit strategy yet. Plus, I wanted chicken fingers. But it seemed Fernando forgot about the promise of appetizers. Again, all he was focused on was getting me to agree to another drink. He wanted me to have a tequila shot with him even after I’d said several times I didn’t want one. I don’t even like tequila. I literally have one friend with who I’ll do tequila shots with and that’s only because it’s her. Finally, I caved and ordered a cider just to shut him up. I told him I was looking at the food menu but he didn’t say anything. When the waiter came by, he told him we didn’t need anything. So I realized no appetizers yet again.

The real kicker, though, was when the bill came. To give him a bit of credit, at least Fernando consistently paid for me. But apparently, that’s where his giving ends because he didn’t tip the server. 

I had kind of noticed something before, on our first date and the earlier bars from that night. He filled out the receipts REALLY quickly. I figured since he’s a chef and has worked in restaurants maybe he’s just really good at doing quick math. This time, though, I could see that he clearly didn’t write anything in the tip line. From what I could see, simply copied the total amount.

I honestly wouldn’t have minded if he’d asked me to cover the tip. It was better than the alternative. But I couldn’t tell for sure, so as we went to leave I lied and told him I needed to go to the bathroom. When he had his back turned, I looked at the check and realized that he had maybe tipped a dollar, but his handwriting was pretty bad. But to me, it looked like he didn’t tip at all. 

This is a huge pet peeve of mine and a major red flag for me. It’s a zero-tolerance item. I mean, I’m the kind of person who tips 20% on a to-go order, but still. I went back by the restrooms and took out the few dollars I had in cash. When I found our server, I asked if he’d been tipped and he said he didn’t think so. I apologized that he hadn’t been tipped and gave him a tip myself.


The Confrontation

Maybe I should have just left it, but that’s not my style. So when I went outside to Fernando, I decided to ask him what his dating dealbreakers are. He said people who don’t have a sense of humor and get offended by everything. That reminds me — he told me a joke earlier, after confirming that I don’t get offended easily. I honestly didn’t get it but I feel like if I did, I would have actually been offended by it. Instead, I was just offended by how stupid it was. So his was that and messy/disorganized people.

At this point, he kept putting his arm around me. He was clearly oblivious to the fact that every time he did I’d put my hands in my pockets. I’d basically recoil trying to make myself as small as possible. Or, I’d find a way to escape his very awkward embrace. He still kept trying.

But anyway, back to the dating dealbreaker. He asked for mine. I said that smoking was a big one, but I usually didn’t even go out with smokers unless I didn’t know before the date. But that really, my biggest one was bad tippers. 

He got silent. But I carried on, saying that I think the way a person treats someone in the service industry says a lot about you. I was raised with the mentality of always treating the janitor with the same level of respect as the CEO. It’s important to me that the guy I end up with feels the same way. He tried to agree but it really didn’t sound very convincing to me. It also made me realize that I hadn’t seen him be particularly polite or respectful to any servers we’d encountered. Not even basic manners of making eye contact or saying “please” and “thank you.” That kind of thing. In retrospect, I probably shouldn’t have been surprised that he didn’t even tip. 

I figured I’d just keep going since I was feeling feisty. (Maybe that guy who found my blog is right, I am ruthless). I said that insecurity is also a dealbreaker for me. Basically, that I’m not into guys who feel like they have to “stake their claim” on me in public. Or that constantly ask me for validation or to reinforce that I do like them, and just have a general “pick me, choose me” vibe. I also don’t like cocky guys, but it is possible to be in the middle. 

Finally, I tacked on that a dealbreaker for me is when a guy shows that he isn’t willing to impress me on the first couple of dates. I don’t need a fancy steak dinner, but if you’ve forgotten to make sure that I get food when I’ve asked (and would’ve paid for myself) twice now, it’s not going to work out. You know I’m traditional in believing that a guy should pay for the first date. After that, I’ll split but I still think that the first few dates a woman should be “wooed.” And I’ll woo you back! It’s a two-way street.

The way I see it? If a guy isn’t willing to spend more than the bare minimum amount of money or energy on impressing me and making me feel special at the start, how can I expect him to give me more than the bare minimum later on after he has gotten in my pants? 

Just because I was in a “screw it” mood by this point, I mentioned that in my experience, it’s the guys that make a point to brag about their high salary, fancy apartment, and/or flashy new cars (*cough* Tesla) that tend to be the worst about making me feel like I’m not worth more than a couple of drinks. I value character and experiences over material objects. 

After all of that, you’d think he’d have gotten the picture yet he still kept trying to hold my hand. I would basically dead-hand him, or only give him like 2 of my fingers. But he was determined. 

Finally, I think he got it when we were close to where his car was parked. I said something about it being late and my apartment not being too far. He offered to walk me back but I politely declined, mostly because I wanted tater tots (but Tasty Burger was closed). He seemed to get it, though and walked away without trying to have any other awkward physical contact with me. 


On the Chopping Block

The next morning, he did text me a bit and say some things about hanging out again. He’d previously offered to cook for me, provided I bring the wine/alcohol, MULTIPLE times despite me changing the subject every single time. But, I didn’t want to be mean and lead him on or waste either of our time. So I told him the truth. 

I pretty much just said that I wanted to be upfront and that it had been fun hanging out, but I didn’t see us as a good match. Which meant I didn’t see this progressing. I said there’s no chemistry or compatibility there for me, and I wanted to respect his time by being honest and clear about that. And then I wished him the best. 

Again, I give Fernando credit because he handles rejection mostly well (except the first time).  He replied that he’d thought about it the night before and it doesn’t seem like there’s chemistry, nor are we in the same place in our lives. And that it was clear from what I’d said on our walk that he was not what I’m looking for. All valid. All true. I mean, I’m strongly leaning towards moving soon (surprise!) so I’m not sure it’s even the right time for me to get into something serious. 

What I thought was kind of funny, though, was that he explicitly said that it was what I’d said about my dealbreakers that made him realize I wasn’t that into him. So he was admitting to being kind of insecure, unwilling to put more effort into planning dates that didn’t only involve alcohol – therefore making me feel like his only goal was to impress me enough to get me drunk so I’d go home with him. And essentially, he admitted to being a bad tipper. So, all in all, my assumptions and feelings were valid. We were really not a good match. 

I thanked him for understanding. I said that I knew I’d find the right guy at the right time, and to have a good weekend. And that was that. I am glad that I gave him a second chance if only because it’s better to know sooner rather than later that it wasn’t going to work so he didn’t keep reappearing. toask. 

So, thank you for the experience, Chef, but you’ve been chopped

Chapter 42: One Hit Blunders, Part VII

If you had asked me a few months ago if I thought I’d end up with this many One Hit Blunders chapters, I’d have said no. But, here we are. 

The weather has been getting nicer and people are getting vaccinated. So that means that I’ve been more actively pursuing dates with some of my recent matches. Unfortunately, neither of them was my dream man, but oh well. Practice makes perfect. Let’s get into it. This week, let’s meet Fernando, The Chef, and Zane, The Protector.


Fernando and I matched on Tinder, and he seemed pretty nice right off the bat. He’s from South America originally but mostly grew up in North Carolina. So we had our home state in common, and it made for good conversation. He’s a chef and actually has a pretty cool job. Like a lot of people, he’d just moved to Boston when COVID happened, so he was eager to meet up. He hadn’t really had a chance to explore Boston yet, and now he could.

I appreciated this because, lately, I’ve really just gotten pen pals out my matches. I was trying to actually meet some of these guys and not just chat forever. So, we made plans to meet up one night after work. 

It was perfect because he works not too far from where I live. We found each other, and set off on our date. We started at a bar not too far from us just. to break the ice. This place Is known for having some pretty cool cocktails, and neither of us had been. The drinks were really good and I enjoyed talking to him. Did I feel major sparks? No. Did he lie about his height? Yes. But still, he seemed like someone I could see myself being friends with. That’s better than nothing, so I was going with it. He paid for my drinks and the appetizer we split, so he also got points for that. We talked about Spain, our families, interests, all that good stuff, and overall, I was enjoying myself.

On our walk from there to another bar in the North End, he asked if he could hold my hand. I have mixed feelings on when guys ask me before doing things like this. Part of me appreciates that he’s into consent, the other part of me doesn’t know what to do. Especially because it makes it weird if/when I say no. I think it’s also probably that little bit of me that likes to think I’m SO irresistible that he can’t help but just hold my hand without asking. But, if I didn’t like him at all and he grabbed my hand, I’d be pissed (see The Creepy Catfish). What I’m really saying here is that unless I’m very into you, and you’re very into me, there’s no winning in this situation. Just take my hand. I’ll pretend to have an itch if I’m not feeling it. 

In any case, we got to the next bar and we continued our conversation. I honestly don’t remember everything that we talked about, but it was nice. I think a lot of it was just being SO happy to get out of my apartment. But also, I wasn’t getting any major creepy vibes and up until that point, he at least seemed to have some social awareness, good manners, and could hold a conversation. That’s where the bar is, y’all. 

At the next restaurant, we continued our conversation and had a drink. At this point, I was starting to get kind of hungry. This meant that the alcohol was also hitting me a little harder (and I’m already a lightweight). So, I suggested getting something to eat. Where we were, the food was a bit pricey and I didn’t really see anything I was dying for, so I thought maybe we could get a slice of pizza from a place down the street that sold slices. Fernando agreed. 

We began walking to get pizza or find somewhere else to eat, but first Fernando had to up the “can I hold your hand?” to a, “can I kiss you?” Again, DON’T ask me. I didn’t know what to say, plus I was hungry. This time, though, I told him that I don’t really like it when guys ask me… but in any case, we kissed. I was half-vaccinated, it’s fine. The kiss was just okay. Apparently, he thought it was great, though. When I said again that I was hungry he said that maybe we could grab a bottle of wine at the store and go to my place. I figured I’d just take him to the rooftop, have some pizza and wine, and then I’d say I was tired and send him on his way. But Fernando had a different idea. 

He immediately started walking towards the grocery store, completely skipping the pizza part. We got there, and I just didn’t have a good vibe anymore. I’d said multiple times at this point that I was hungry and needed to eat something before I drank anymore. So I went to the bathroom and at that point, I got really tired. When I came back out, I told him I wanted to go home. Without him. He definitely seemed disappointed but ultimately relented.

Then came the real “red flag” for me. As you can probably tell by now, I cannot stand extreme insecurity. It’s not even that, really, it’s the “pick me” vibe that some guys give off in moments of insecurity. He basically grilled me the whole way out of the store about why I didn’t want to hang out with him, what he did wrong, was I attracted to him, did I like him, yada yada. It was a huge turnoff. I actually would’ve maybe given him a second chance (without alcohol) until that point. 

Finally, I escaped and went home. He did text me again that night asking if I was interested in him or not. I just wanted to eat a peanut butter sandwich and go to bed. The next day, I texted him and told him that I’d been enjoying myself but it was kind of weird that his response to me saying I needed to eat something was to get more wine and then go somewhere isolated when I was kind of tipsy. I also said that after only one date, I don’t really expect to give or get a full report if someone isn’t feeling it and calls it a night. 

I will give him credit that he actually took it pretty well and didn’t argue. He actually even gave a pretty genuine apology. I wasn’t really upset, more annoyed, and I figured there are other fish in the sea. We did have the “we can be friends” talk but I wasn’t very confident that would happen. We talked one more time after that, but then just left it afterward. I was kind of disappointed that I didn’t get a good homecooked meal out of it, but oh well. So, Fernando the Chef is out. 

Update: I finished writing this section on a Monday night, and Tuesday morning I woke up to a text from Fernando. He is NOT the guy I’ve been trying to manifest so I’m not sure what’s going on here, but he did ask me out again (on a full stomach). So, stay tuned for a potential part two. 

Like I said, as the city started to reopen, it got easier to find people who weren’t terrified to meet in person. So, when I matched with Zane and he asked me if I wanted to go for a walk that weekend I said yes. 

I will give Zane props because he was one of the few guys I’ve been out with that was actually honest about his height. He own the fact that he isn’t 6 foot. But to be totally honest, this date was not the most memorable. I do remember feeling bad because he dressed up way more than I did. Did I feel bad for dressing so casually? Yes, but also no. I mean, it was hot and we were going for a walk and he was wearing dress pants and a long-sleeved shirt.

Zane was nice, but the biggest issue with him was that he was SO protective. He is from another country that’s a bit more patriarchal than I’m used to, so I definitely understand why, but every time we crossed the street he’d put his arm in front of me or try to grab my hand. Sweet intention, but kind of made me feel like a child. Even just the way that he talked about women and everything. It seemed like he is more into the “a woman needs to be taken care of” mentality than I am.

At one point, we got talking about some of the crazy people we’ve been out on dates with and he started talking about a girl who was covered in tattoos. *Allegedly* she was also a bit crazy in some ways, but from what I gathered, it was just crazy that she had a lot of tattoos. I have six tattoos. So, it just didn’t really seem to be a good match. 

We did get dinner but because of the wait times, ended up just ordering it to go and then sitting outside and eating it. This is where it gets interesting. Well, actually, first of all, this man is THE slowest eater I have ever encountered. I’m kind of a fast eater, granted, so everyone is a slow eater to me. But wow, did he take the cake. It was also just kind of weird anyway because it wasn’t even dinner time. It was like 4:00 at this point and had said I wasn’t even hungry. I ended up ordering an appetizer and bringing half home for later. Meanwhile, he ordered like a full-on entree and then proceeded to take 45 minutes to eat it. 

But that’s not what made it interesting. So, quick backtrack. A few months ago, I matched with this guy on Bumble that I’ll call Nate. He was very attractive, seemed smart, a Gemini, and we had a lot in common. Had a good head on his shoulders, a bit older (like 35), and overall, seemed to be more mature and all that. We hit it off really quickly and for a few weeks, he was SO into me. Texting me every morning, remembering details, the works.

But, like so many men on dating apps, he never wanted to meet up. I even made the first move and tried to make plans with him at one point but he was too busy with work. After a bit of dealing with the confusion of his sudden disinterest, I moved on and did my own thing. However, we still followed each other on social media. One night in Arizona, when I had a particularly strong drink, I did ask him why he never made any efforts to actually meet and he said he’d just been busy (mmhmm), but after that I just let it go.

Which is why it was HILARIOUS to me when I stood up from the bench that Zane and I were sitting at to eat and began to turn and continue our walk, when who do I see on the bench right behind me? Nate. With another girl. 

I was mostly just thrilled that I happened to look particularly good that day. I smiled, he recognized me, I said hi, and then strolled away. But honestly, this is how I know I’m the main character because of course something like that would happen to me. Especially because if I’m being totally honest, Zane and Nate do have similar features so it must have been pretty clear to him that I sort of have a type. I texted Nate the next day and make a joke out of it but he didn’t seem to be as amused.

The only other thing that I remember about this date is that he made me rap for him when it slipped that I knew one (and only one) rap song. He literally stopped and sat down and made me do it. Oh, and he also asked to hold my hand. I said no and told him that I’m not particularly affectionate or into PDA (not true, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings). He still did the mom-arm as we crossed streets, though.

When we parted ways, I knew that would be our one and only date. He did ask me out again, but I just used my go-to line about not feeling the spark and wishing him the best. He took it pretty well, and that was that. 


So, that brings me to the end of another One Hit Blunders chapter. I’ll update you if anything happens with The Chef on a potential second date. Until next time! 

Chapter 41: The Reality show model

Every once in a while, I realize that I have been holding onto what could be a great story. Sometimes I completely forget to ever write about them until something randomly reminds me, and for that, I apologize. This is one of those cases. And, it’s all thanks to a TikTok video and a comment I wrote that blew up that reminded me that I have to share this story.


Last year, my friend Vivianne decided to come to visit me in Boston from New York. She spent the weekend with me, and we had a great time. Because it was a FREEZING November weekend, when we got back to my apartment we would usually just hang out to warm up. Vivianne had recently gotten into watching “Love Island UK,” and she decided to get me into it, too. 

Y’all. This show is ADDICTING. I wish it wasn’t because I actually still haven’t finished the season we started watching. I mean, it’s 40+ episodes per season, no joke. 

In any case, Vivianne got me into the mindless entertainment that is Love Island UK. And, because I have an addictive personality, I continued watching it even after she left. This was where I first saw Elliott. 

We watched an earlier season, so I figured that Elliott and I were about the same age, give or take. And Elliott was VERY attractive. Tall, dark features, nice smile, and clearly took care of himself. He also seemed like a pretty chill guy from what I saw. He seemed decent, didn’t take himself too seriously, wasn’t sleazy towards the girls, and wasn’t psychotic. I mean, to be fair, to go on reality TV you have to be at least a little bit crazy. But it didn’t seem like something I couldn’t handle. So, I was extremely surprised when he only lasted a day in the villa. After that, the girls in the house voted to keep another guy in the house over him. But he was so sweet about it! So clearly, I was crushing. 

And if you didn’t know, I do have great Internet sleuthing skills. So, I went on the hunt. First, I found a Love Island Wiki page. Through looking at the season page, I was able to find out his last name. From there, it was very easy to find his Instagram. He had actually become even more attractive from when he was when on the show (I mean, he’s a model) so I followed him right away. I was pleasantly surprised when he almost immediately followed me back. 

Then it was onto the hard part. Getting him to talk to me. He had already liked a few of my photos, so I knew I had that going for me at least. Really, the only thing I could do was start sliding into the DMs. I knew this might be tricker than what I was used to given the fact that he lives in England, is a hot model, and I knew nothing about him. But I was up for the challenge. 


I saw a meme one time about someone joking that when they’re drunk they respond to people’s Instagram stories as if they were personally made for them. But, I don’t have to be drunk for that. I just respond to EVERYTHING for no reason other than that I can. So that’s how it started – with me just responding to a lot of his Instagram stories. He would see and often “like” the messages, but we only had a few very basic conversations from them. I knew I had to up my game. 

I had to download TikTok for work, and had seen this thing called “The Silhouette Challenge.” I was bored, so I decided to make one of my own. (Not nude, though). And one of my friends had a great idea. I should add Elliott to my “Close Friends” list on Instagram, then take everyone else out of that list, and post the finished product to my story – but only for my Close Friends list. So I did. To increase the odds of him seeing it, I even blocked him from seeing my story for a few seconds and then added him back. Apparently, this would make my story would get pushed to the front of the list for him. (Don’t ask how I know this). But even that didn’t work. He didn’t even see it.

Fortunately for me, I apparently didn’t even need to go through all of those steps. The next time I responded to one of his stories with a flirty message, he took the bait and reciprocated. Now I was getting somewhere. 


Photo by Jess Vide on Pexels.com

Elliott and I went back and forth for a bit with some flirting and such, mostly on Snapchat, but it was very clear he wasn’t interested in learning too much about me. Anytime I tried to ask about his life, he’d change the subject. Which was fine – for me, it was just harmless flirting – but he was NOT giving me much to work with. And I get bored way too easily for that. 

I’ve kind of learned that about Taurus men. They’re usually very attractive, are a lot of talk but not a lot of action, and are not very creative when it comes to conversation. Yes, Elliott is very hot, but a girl can only do so much with looks when there isn’t a lot of personality to go with it.

Which I don’t really get. I mean, usually, people who go on reality shows are kind of crazy and have big personalities. And ys, I could say that he just wasn’t that interested in me but remember, I was mostly getting my foot in the door via Instagram story replies. And let me just say that sometimes it was VERY hard to come up with something to say. He just did not give me a lot to work with. I’m not saying he’s boring or has no personality. I’m sure he does and that he’s a lot of fun once you get to know him. But, I just haven’t seen very much of it. Maybe that’s why he only lasted a day on the show. 

He is also a bit too shallow for me I think. One day, he posted something about not working as hard on his core exercises and I said that I didn’t mind that. I actually prefer more of a ‘dad bod’ to a super ripped body. Apparently, all he got from that was “dad bod.” He then got upset thinking I’d said that he has a dad bod. So I had to explain that no, he doesn’t. Still, he stopped talking to me for a few days after that. Sorry, I’ve already experienced having to constantly stroke a man’s ego — and I’m just trying to have some fun here — no, thank you. 

So, while I never really expected anything to happen with Elliott in the first place, beyond some flirting and another funny story that got me some clout on TikTok for a hot second, it definitely isn’t going anywhere. But, it was fun while it lasted.

Plus, I get to add a random reality star to this, and I definitely didn’t plan on that. At this point, though, I feel like just about anything could be in store for me next! I’m manifesting something positively amazing, personally.

Chapter 39: The Disappearing Act

Hello, friends! Sorry for the unexpected hiatus. I had another shortage of material and then a crazy week so I’m a bit behind.
Speaking of unexpected disappearances, that brings me to this week’s post. Let me introduce you to Mac, yet another Bumble-bust.

Hello, friends! Sorry for the unexpected hiatus. I had another shortage of material and then a crazy week so I’m a bit behind.


Speaking of unexpected disappearances, that brings me to this week’s post. Let me introduce you to Mac, yet another Bumble-bust. 

Mac seemed nice on paper. He has a good job, just bought a new place, and seemed to have his shit together. Overall, a fun guy. 

Even though he’s a self-proclaimed ginger, and save for a very brief Ron Weasley phase, the only ginger I’ve ever been attracted to is Prince Harry circa 2014, he was funny. If you know me, you know that looks are definitely not everything to me. But, personality is, so I was excited to get to know him. 

So far, I was enjoying talking to him. Even if I wasn’t anywhere near the point of knowing whether or not it was going to go anywhere, Mac definitely seemed like the type of guy I’d want to be friends with. And no, that’s not me instantly friend-zoning him. I’m just stating a fact. 

We started off chatting on Bumble, and things were going pretty well. We had similar taste in music, movies, and general hobbies. He’s close with his family, and seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me. He didn’t judge me for saying that Twizzlers are my favorite candy. Plus, he balanced being on the “flirty but not sexual” line very well. Mac just seemed like a cool guy. 

After a while of talking on Bumble, we transitioned to text. He asked for my number, but made it clear I wasn’t obligated to do so if I wasn’t comfortable with that. I respect and appreciate that. I almost gave him my real number, but at the last minute decided to stick with Google Voice. Just in case, you know? 

Over text, we talked even more. He definitely seemed to have a good sense of humor and knew how to make fun of himself without making it sound like he’s just fishing for compliments. That’s something I rarely find in men, so it was a definite plus. I’m very attracted to men who know that they’re human and don’t take themselves too seriously. But, I also can’t stand when guys constantly put themselves down JUST to get me to compliment them. Confident but not arrogant, basically. 

Also, speaking of compliments, he almost immediately complimented my smile and my eyes. I personally think they’re my most attractive features. But, I feel like at least on dating apps, it’s usually a body part on my lower body that gets the most attention and compliments. Itt was nice to know that he was actually looking at my face in the photos. 

Another factor that’s very important to me with a future significant other is that they understand, appreciate, and at least kind of share my obsession with Marvel movies. If you didn’t know, I’m a huge superhero fan. My brother and I have seen almost every single MCU movie together. We always go within days of it being released, if not opening night. The few exceptions are when I was studying abroad – my brother waited for me to get home from Italy so we could see “Iron Man 3” together – “Dr. Strange,” and I think maybe one other movie. It’s a tradition for us (and always will be) so I need someone who understands why that’s a big thing to me and gets just as excited about new movies and TV shows as I do. Mac did. 

He also was fascinated that I used to work at Disney. He said loves the parks and the whole Disney-vibe. That’s another dealbreaker for me – you don’t need to be quite as big of a Disney fanatic as I am, but at least like it. I also just like when people show interest in something that I’m clearly very excited about talking about. He also told me he’d take me to a bar or somewhere to watch a Bruins game so I can finally understand more than the very basic rules of hockey. He’s a big hockey guy, so I thought that would be perfect.

So far, it seems like things were going fairly well, right? Well, they were. After a bit of talking, he asked me if I’d be up for going out with him that weekend, and I said yes. And not just because I needed material – I genuinely wanted to meet him in person and see what I thought. We picked a day and a general idea of where we’d meet. It seemed like things were on track for us to meet.


The Disappearance

And then, nothing. We had plans to meet Thursday after work. The Sunday before, we were having a great conversation about wines. Monday, I asked how his day was. Silence. I figured, it’s Monday, maybe a rough day, no worries. So I let it slide. Wednesday, I asked him if we were still on for the next day. More silence. By Thursday, I basically had a deadline that if he hadn’t said anything to me by noon, I wasn’t going out with him.

When noon came and went, I figured I should at least notify him that I was about to ghost him – karma, and all that – and pretty much just said that I wasn’t sure what happened, but no worries, and best of luck. It was like he’d disappeared into thin air – one minute he was there, having a great chat, next thing you know… poof. 

I wasn’t upset about it, really. I mean, I didn’t even know him yet. But it was just really strange. Considering on that same day, or maybe the day before, I had another Bumble match cancel our Friday date because he found my blog (yes, seriously) I thought that maybe Mac had found it, too. But he didn’t seem like the type to get worked up about it, so that didn’t seem right. I thought maybe he’d tried to do some social media stalking and couldn’t. He didn’t have my real number, maybe he thought I was catfishing him. I definitely like to give people the benefit of the doubt and make excuses for their behavior, clearly. (And you wonder why I’ve been in so many toxic relationships.) 

For a hot second, I did think about saying something a little bit spicier about how it’s rude to ghost people. Then I watched that Netflix movie “Desperados” and thought maybe he’d been in an accident like the guy in that movie. So I didn’t even bother. But, it was weird. I had gone from having 3 dates scheduled that weekend to 1 – and I ended up canceling it because of the craziness of the past couple of weeks. 

So Mac was another bust. His loss, right? I did look up news reports that weekend just to satisfy my own curiosity and see if maybe something had happened to him, but I couldn’t find anything with the limited knowledge I had. My money is on him not being quite as easy-going as he seemed and finding my blog, or thinking I was catfishing when he couldn’t find my Snapchat or Instagram or anything with the phone number he had. 


Mini-Tangent Ahead

This brings me to my next point. I realize that my having this blog may deter some men. I knew that when I started this, and I did it anyway. And some of you know the details of the guy who canceled on me, but I’m not going to go into it on here because it’s not worth it. 

But I do wonder – do the guys who don’t (or won’t) like that I have this blog not realize that I only write about the crazy stories? I mean, how many people do you know that have had their date run off because of a ‘dying dolphin’? Or get sent photos of 9” long dildos at 6am? That’s funny!

Alstroemeria is the friendship flower. <3
Photo by Skylar Kang on Pexels.com

And if it’s not a crazy, funny story, it’s a “lesson learned” story. I’m trying to help girls (and guys) realize that they are not alone in the heartbreaks. They’re not the only girl who has been cheated on, or (unknowingly) cheated with. They’re not the only girl who’s had a guy make them feel like they’re nothing more than a body. I’m not afraid to own up when I make a mistake or have some sort of lapse in judgment in a relationship. Those are real human feelings that happen to EVERYONE. Yes, this is cathartic and fun for me, but I do it more in hopes that maybe I’m helping one person out there realize that they’re not alone in the way that they feel. 

To be honest, I have a lot more that I could say about that matter in general, but again, not worth it. Really, if there’s any guy – past, present, or future – who judges me because of this, it’s a bullet dodged. Whether it’s because of the knowledge that they’ll probably end up doing something that’ll put them on it, or some sort of sexist/misogynistic view, if they want to take themselves out of the running, be my guest. 

Moving on!


Pandemic Dating

I’m going to be honest, y’all. Dating has sucked lately. I’ve been open-minded, and I’m still very optimistic and hopeful that I’m going to meet someone amazing soon, but it’s been nearly impossible to find a decent guy on the apps lately. I even upgraded my Bumble account for a month to see if that helped. Nope.

In the past few months, I think there’s been maybe one guy that I’ve been at least somewhat excited about. He turned out to be a major workaholic so I accepted a while ago that the chances of him making an effort to meet me are slim to none. No offense, but I feel like if you’re not going to put in any effort, you shouldn’t be on an app saying you’re looking for a relationship.

I feel like I do better in person anyway. I’ve never thought I was going to meet the love of my life on an app (okay, maybe once). There’s definitely some sort of organic, natural meet-cute in my future. But with the way Boston is right now, it’s been extremely difficult to meet anyone. I’m running out of stories because I haven’t been on a date in forever, I haven’t been able to go out and meet people in normal environments. Not even friends – I finally resorted to Bumble BFF.  Overall, and I know I’m not alone with this, it’s just kind of been not very fun.

Maybe I’m the only one who saw the masterpiece that is the Lindsay Lohan as Elizabeth Taylor movie, but the scene where she’s just yelling that she’s “so bored” has been an accurate representation of my feelings towards my love/social life lately. I need some excitement. So I’m going to make a conscious effort to go find some, regardless of the circumstances of my city’s rules. But still staying safe, obviously. 


So that brings us to the end of this week’s chapter. Will I be back next week? I honestly don’t know yet, if I have some inspiration then yes, if not, then stay tuned for whatever excitement I’m able to find and create for myself soon.

In the meantime, I hope everyone is staying happy, healthy, and safe! Sending you all the positive vibes!

P.S. What do you think of the redesign? Let me know!

Chapter 38: The Actor

Don’t judge me, but back in the day, I was VERY into “Teen Wolf.” And by ‘back in the day,’ I mean five years ago.

I’d like to say that I was mostly interested in it because Tyler Hoechlin is a beautiful man, which is true. Or, because I fell for Dylan O’Brien’s comedic timing, which is also true. But, really, I’m just a nerd who was very into supernatural-like shows (including “Supernatural” itself… still crying over that finale). 

In any case, when I went to Orlando for my first college program and discovered that my neighbor turned best friend, Tanner, was also a big “Teen Wolf” fan, I was very excited. We talked about it. We watched it. It was just one of the many things we were able to bond over throughout our program.


The day that we discovered that Orlando would be hosting a Teen Wolf convention at a nearby Sheraton – appropriately called BeaCON Chills – we were over the moon. We immediately bought basic tickets (Disney doesn’t pay a lot, okay?) and were thrilled to go. We requested different work schedules and everything. Dedication. 

The first day, we got there early to scope out the hotel. This proved to be a great idea because after taking weird videos in the hallways, we hung out in the lobby. There, we were able to meet and get photos with Dylan Sprayberry and Arden Cho by ‘casually’ bumping into them while they were checking in. I think that’s also how we met Eaddy Mays. 

Once we got registered, we were invited into the main room where most of the events would be held. It was around this point that the organizers – and the actors – realized that BeaCON Chills was not going to be as popular as they might have hoped. So essentially, it pretty quickly turned into a pretty low-key event. The actors just kind of hung out with the barely a dozen or so of us that decided to attend. 

Also, to be clear, none of the official “main characters” were there. It was Arden, Dylan, and Eaddy, who all played minor or supporting roles. Also, one of the main character’s dads (Sheriff Stilinski/Linden Ashby), the actor who played the lacrosse coach, another supporting side character that Tanner had the hots for, and another actor that was on the show for only a bit. He is the main subject of this story. 

I’m still going to give him a fake name because that’s kind of my thing at this point, but I’m fully aware that y’all can just Google this and find out who it is. But, he’s a twin, a few years older than me, and he was also on “Desperate Housewives.” I’m going to call him Ed. 

Ed is pretty attractive. Maybe more so to the sexually repressed virginal version of myself that I was at this time, versus my perception of his looks today. So being the person I am, always looking to go big or go home, and forever on the hunt for an entertaining story, I decided pretty quickly that my mission for the weekend was to lose my virginity to him. I had realized by that time that the whole “waiting for marriage” thing was not going to pan out for me like I’d planned. But, I hadn’t gotten involved with Christian just yet, so this seemed like the perfect opportunity. 

To be fair, this wasn’t a completely baseless decision. There was some definite sexual tension with me and Ed. 

For instance, when we first got there and the organizers realized it was going to be a small group, for the ‘kickoff’ event they basically just had us all sit in a circle and talk to the actors. I ended up right next to Ed. I could tell that the other girls were a bit jealous about this, but I was actually pretty chill about it. At the end of the day, he’s just a human. Really, I don’t get very starstruck for even A-List people, and I think he was into that.

I don’t remember what, but at one point he said something kind of sassy to me. So I told him he was an asshole. It looked like the other girls were going to kill me the way they looked at me. But he thought it was funny, he laughed. Then we all got talking about horoscopes and star signs, and he told me to guess his sign. I guessed he was a Virgo, and he went, “I’m definitely not a Virgo” and winked. To that, I rolled my eyes. Again, he thought it was funny that I was clearly not fawning over him like he was probably used to. He also would occasionally touch my arm or something. So, again, mild sexual tension.


Tanner and I had a great time at the convention. There was a really fun scavenger hunt, lots of Q&As, and just some fun times. There was one day where for extra money you could go to this separate room and take a bunch of pictures with them. But we didn’t have money for it. So instead, we hung out in the other room. We took selfies saying, “Help us, we’re poor,” and tagging them in it. One of the actresses thought this was hilarious, and ended up inviting us in anyway. I’m pretty sure this was another moment where everyone who actually paid more hated us. 

Lol at me giving “Tanner” a fake name and then putting a picture of him on here.

Tanner went to more of the events then I did because I refused to call out of work for it. On one of the days Linden Ashby found out I wasn’t there because I didn’t want to call out of work. Everyone knew we were a package deal, so they’d all been asking for me. When I got there later in the day, he told me he was proud of me. He’s like, TV Dad goals, so that was pretty amazing. He said this to me during the Halloween party night where I was Ariel and literally wearing nothing but a mostly sheer green skirt and a purple bra. This costume was mostly done to make progress on my mission, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

The biggest bit of progress I had was one day where they had a break between panels. During it, I went up to Ed and told him that I was really cold, and asked if he was going back to his hotel room at all. When he said yes, I told him to bring me back a jacket. He said he would. 

But he forgot. He did go up to his room, but forgot to grab me a jacket. So when the panel resumed, I asked him where my jacket was. He felt so bad for forgetting that he literally jumped off the stage and came over and took the jacket he was wearing off to put it on me. The other girls there swooned. 

I, of course, went to the bathroom and took a lot of selfies wearing this jacket. Then I had a great idea that I probably stole from an outdated “Seventeen” article. I’d put my phone in the pocket. Then, when I gave it back to him at the end of the day I’d ‘forget’ to take it out of the pocket. This would force him to have to figure out how to get it back to me.

This failed. The second I gave it back to him he was like, “Uh, you forgot your phone.” So that was a bust, but I was kind of proud of my attempt. 

Other than that, he was actually really nice. I told him that I’d wanted to be an actress when I was younger and he gave me some solid advice about how to break into it if I ever decided to pursue it. He even followed me on Twitter so I had a way to get in touch with him if I had more questions. 

By the last day, I knew I was running out of time with my mission. Hence my very slutty mermaid Halloween costume. I looked cute, though. To be honest, I’m pretty sure my tactic for seducing him (besides my clothing) was basically just like, existing. I was in WAY over my head. At this point, all I’d ever done was kiss, and he could probably tell. I mean, I remember when I told Christian I was a virgin like it was some big secret. Instead, he laughed because it was so blatantly obvious. Ed seems like a decent person and not a self-proclaimed virginity collector like some people I know. So, that was probably was a turn-off instead of a turn-on. Which is understandable. Can’t fault him for that. 

The photo that got us into the VIP photo session.

My last attempt was at the farewell event which was basically a very awkward dance party. I invited a friend of mine from work, Courtney, which was fun. She taught me how to do the Bernie (remember when that was a thing?). But alas, no progress was made that night other than him signing my shirt. He started doing autographs and I couldn’t find any paper, so he offered to sign my shirt instead. (It seemed cool at the time.) So I ended that night, and a week of being one of the more normal ones at a “Teen Wolf” convention, still holding that V-card.

I’m pretty sure he was also dating a girl from the show at the time. That also probably contributed to the fact that the mild sexual tension never went any further. Again, decent person. We had like one Twitter message conversation a while after that, but then I deleted that account.

Tanner thinks I should just send this to him but I’m (fortunately or unfortunately, I can’t decide) kind of losing my crazy streak. So I feel like I’ll just keep this one to myself. 


So, that’s the story of my failed attempt to lose my virginity to a supporting actor at a fucking “Teen Wolf” convention. Which was held at a very touristy Sheraton. Clearly, I had low standards at the time. Considering how I did end up losing my virginity, and who it was to, unfortunately my standards did not raise much in the few months after that. Seriously, Madeline, a Macaroni Grill was your idea of a romantic date? But, fortunately, I have a great sense of humor. And, I realized that it was not nearly as big of a deal as I made it out to be at the time. 

I would love to run into Ed again someday just for the fun of it. Especially because now that I think about it, he owes me a game of “Guitar Hero.” But for now, I get to have the memories of a very strange but entertaining convention, and an amazing week with my best friend. 

Chapter 34: Dating Apps – Ranked and My Profile Rules

You know you’ve used too many dating apps when you can create a ranked list of them.

There are a lot of dating apps out there, and I’ve used a ton of them. From Hinge to Happn, Coffee Meets Bagel to Bumble, there are so many options out there. While I’m just one person and my experiences are probably vastly different from someone else’s, I wanted to share my ranking of the apps that I’ve used. So here are eight dating apps ranked in order (worst to best) for your reading pleasure.


8. Happn

Happn gets the bottom spot for two reasons – one, because it’s where I met The Creepy Catfish, and two, because now that I think about it, the premise of it makes me feel like it was the inspiration behind “You.” Seriously, it’s a “Criminal Minds” episode waiting to happen. If it wasn’t that I was asked to download it out of support for someone I don’t even remember, I probably would have never used it because seriously, it’s creepy. How it still exists I don’t really know but I don’t remember having a good experience with finding anyone except for one person that made me seriously question my safety and consider entering a convent. So, Happn gets put at the bottom of the list. Easily.

7. Coffee Meets Bagel

I only used Coffee Meets Bagel for a little bit, but from what I remember I didn’t have much luck. I know some people have had success, and I’ve heard that of all the dating apps they tend to have the highest number of highly educated users, but that wasn’t my experience. If I’m remembering correctly, I talked to maybe two people during my brief stint of being active on it. To be fair, I was using this in Orlando where (no offense) there are VERY slim-pickings when it comes to straight, available men who are also boyfriend-material so maybe I’d have a different experience if I used it now. I was also kind of confused at the functionality of the app and didn’t feel like I was using it correctly but again that’s kind of a personal perspective. Regardless, I wasn’t a fan.

6. OKCupid / Plenty of Fish

I put OKCupid and Plenty of Fish together only because I genuinely don’t remember which of them I actually used, and in general I get them confused and don’t really know the difference. Dating apps all start to run together after a while. I know I used one of them, and by “used” I mean I created a profile, went to bed, woke up to over 50 messages, got overwhelmed, and closed my account. Listen, I know I’m a catch but there is clearly a bad gender ratio on there if I’m waking up to over 50 messages after less than 12 hours of making a profile. I know people who’ve met their significant other on both of these apps, but I’m too lazy to weed through dozens of messages to find someone who knows the difference between “your” and “you’re.” So it was not my thing.

5. EHarmony

Y’all already know how I feel about EHarmony, and if you don’t, go back and read my review of it here. Yes, it’s supposed to be one of the most trusted and successful paid dating sites, but again, I was not a fan. I hate the way that you “unmatch” someone, I hate how much information they force you to provide in order to get the full benefits that you already paid for, and I was not finding quality men on there considering the price of it. The only reason it’s not lower is because I feel bad shit-talking them as much as I have so I gave them a couple of bonus points to be nice.

4. Clover

Clover is another one of those apps that I think I used for maybe a week total, if that. When I got no matches after a week or so, I deleted it. I’m impatient.  However, I do give them points because I like how many features they offer and that they seem to really be trying to create a quality app that people can use for a variety of reasons. I don’t feel like it’s as well-known as some of the others so it isn’t used as much, but I feel like if they keep up with being innovative and maybe increase their social media presence it could get more popular easily.

3. Hinge

I’ve actually had the most success with getting good matches that led to good dates on Hinge, but because it’s where I met The Stalker and it took them several months to respond to my numerous attempts to report him, they got bumped on the list. They’re still top three because again, I know it’s a good app and lots of people have had really good luck and success stories, but I don’t like that they didn’t seem to care about users’ safety. It’s a shame because I actually like the matching method on there the best, but safety is very important to me, so they got moved to third.

2. Tinder

Call me crazy but I actually like Tinder. Do I expect to meet the love of my life on there? No. But, I have met a handful of guys who’ve at least provided me with a good story for here. I know that Tinder is considered more of the “hookup” app and not relationships, but that doesn’t mean it’s not fun to use from time to time. I feel like Tinder is kind of like that person you know that’s really popular and even though you want to hate them because of their reputation, you just can’t. It’s simple and straight-forward, and even though I’m pretty positive most of the ‘people’ on there are bots or catfishers, I don’t totally hate it.

1. Bumble

I’ve actually only had mediocre success on Bumble, but I like the app as a whole the best. I like that it’s simple and to the point, I like the design, and I like the different filters. I also like that they’ve kind of adopted some of Hinge’s ideas and now instead of having all photos you can answer prompts to add to your profile, too. I really like that girls message first because sometimes I accidentally swipe on someone I didn’t mean to on dating apps and I feel bad ghosting them if they message me first. I also feel like it’s just a bit safer that way. Plus, they provide some ideas for opening lines which I think is pretty cool. Overall, I feel like it has mostly good quality people on there, it’s easy to use, I feel safe, and I haven’t met anyone crazy off of it (yet), so it’s my number one.


Maybe it’s just me, but I personally have a set of “guidelines,” if you will, of what I look for on a guy’s profile. Okay, it’s more like a list of “Don’ts” that, unless they look like Liam Hemsworth, get them an immediate swipe left.


My Rules

  1. No more than one “holding a fish” photo.
  2. No more than one mirror photo – and if he has a mirror photo/gym selfie, his face has to be in it, too.
  3. He’s allowed to have a group photo, but if ALL of the photos are group photos, it’s a no-go. I’m trying to find a match, not play a game of Guess Who?
  4. I allow one grammatical or spelling error, but if he doesn’t know the difference between “your”/”you’re” and “there”/”their”/”they’re,” unfortunately, it’s an automatic nope.
  5. If he doesn’t have anything written in his bio, it makes me wonder if he’s capable of having a conversation. It depends on the rest of the profile is this ends up being a no.
  6. No ridiculous abbreviations. Does it really take so long to write a full sentence? No. Just use full words, please.
  7. A cute cat or dog in a photo can cancel out one (and only one) of the rules above to put them in potential swipe-right territory.

Do you agree with my ranking? Or, do you have any suggestions for dating apps I should try? Christian Mingle, Farmers Only, I’m open to suggestions. Let me know in the comments!

Chapter 33: The Repeat

Take two.

Have you ever matched with someone on an app, and then had them stop talking to you, and then somehow rematched with them later on? That recently happened to me. 

When I saw Naveen’s profile on Bumble a couple of months ago, my first impression was that he was really cute, and seemed very put together! He was also holding a super cute puppy in his main picture and just overall looked like a cool guy from the rest of his profile. 

So, since it was Bumble and I had to start the conversation, I opened up with what I thought was a cute line. I figured that if we hit it off, he could be fun to go out with. I told him that the puppy in his picture was the second cutest thing I’d seen all day, and when he asked what the first was, I said that he was.

And, crickets. 

Naveen did not answer. Side note, I get SO frustrated when that happens regardless of what the opening line was – just in general, like where do these guys go after they swipe right? So many times I’ve matched with a guy, sent him the opening message soon after, and then the match expires because he just doesn’t answer in time – but like, he had to have been on recently for us to have matched? Are they robots? Were they abducted? I don’t know, it’s just annoying.

In any case, Naveen didn’t answer but I figured maybe he was busy so I let it go and went about my day. Well, days. Finally, I figured I needed to clean out my matches that were not going anywhere so I tried one more time with Naveen and still, no answer. So I unmatched him. 


I went off of Bumble for a bit after that because I was getting ready for the LSAT and really focused on studying at that time, and then I had a friend in town, so I just wasn’t as active. But then I decided to go back on just to kill some time and after swiping for a bit, guess who popped up again? Naveen. 

I decided to swipe right on him again just to see what happened, and I was surprised to see that we managed to match again! This time, I tried a different tactic with my opening line and challenged him to show me the last photo in his camera roll on his phone, and he did. I wouldn’t have been surprised if after that he disappeared again like last time, but he didn’t. This time, he was actually very chatty.

As we talked, I realized we had a good amount in common and he seemed very engaged which was quite a shift from last time. We exchanged numbers (well, he did, I gave my fake number) and eventually Instagram usernames (which is basically second base I think) and have been chatting since then. 


Of course, like most guys I’ve experienced on dating apps, he seems keen on trying to get things to go in a sexual direction with our conversations but I quickly change the subject and he goes with it, so I feel like maybe he just thinks that’s what girls are into? I don’t know – it’s definitely like an orange flag and something I’m keeping in mind, but not completely cutting him out. Mainly because I’m running out of stories on here and need to go out on some more dates to get more material. 

But also, he’s offered to cook for me, and he’s currently on a vacation that I’m VERY jealous of but he said he’d take me sometime, so I have to give him some points for that. He also kind of looks like he might actually be royalty or something with how well he dresses and just his overall demeanor from what I’ve seen. Does anyone remember that TLC show, “Secret Prince”? Maybe they brought it back. 

I haven’t told him yet that we already matched, and I’m wondering if he recognizes me from the first time around. So far I don’t think so. I’m waiting for the perfect moment to remind him that we already matched once but I didn’t like his lack of responsiveness. I honestly didn’t even know that you could rematch with somebody, but now I know. 

In any case, I’ve yet to meet Naveen but I’m hoping to do so soon (once he returns from his trip and I know he doesn’t have COVID). But, he seems somewhat promising. Maybe it’s really the second time that’s the charm. 

Chapter 32: One Hit Blunders, Part V – The Joker

Creepy clown makeup not included.

The first guy that I actually went out with after getting back on Tinder and Bumble upon my return to Boston was a guy that I’ve decided to call Clark. 

Clark opened up by asking me something about robbing a bank – I don’t remember exactly what the situation was, but in any case it was a good ice breaker and I thought it was funny and original to start planning a bank robbery (which I’ve never done and will never do), so I went along with it. This is also why I’ve decided to refer to him as “The Joker,” because The Joker from Batman robs banks, plus, this was clearly a joke that we should rob a bank – right?

Clark isn’t really what I usually go for physically, but he was cute and at this time I was just looking to meet new people so I wasn’t being very picky. He was funny, though, and he has a good job and seemed decent so after a bit of back and forth, he asked me out and I said yes. 

We made plans to get drinks at a bar near Quincy Market on a Sunday night, and then about 45 minutes before we were meant to meet he told me he would be running a little bit late. He was having some car issues but he’d let me know when he was leaving. So, at this point I figured it was something fixable but he’d just be late, so I kept getting ready. 

When it was getting closer to our meeting time, though, I texted him again (got to love that Google Voice number) and told him to let me know when he was leaving so I knew when to leave my place. At this time I was completely ready – hair, makeup, all that – since he had never made it sound like the date wouldn’t be happening. Then, a few minutes later after we were scheduled to be meeting, he texted me that he was very sorry but he had to cancel because to fix his car he needed to go get a piece from his mom’s house, and he wanted to get it fixed before he went away at the end of the week.

Honestly I was probably more understanding than I should have been, but he said he was sorry and offered to make it up to me another night that week, but I did think it was a little weird that he didn’t at least offer to get an Uber or something, and that he HAD to fix it at that very moment when he knew I was ready to go. But, because I’m nice I gave him a second chance and we decided to go out to the same bar later that week. 


On the night of our date (for real), I ended up getting there before him, but not having to wait too long. When he showed up he was a bit shorter than I expected, but cute. It was weird because of COVID times we couldn’t hug or anything, so we just kind of walked in and found a table. I got a hard cider, and he got a vodka soda. 

We ended up also ordering an appetizer to split, just some buffalo wings, which were pretty good, and the date itself was decent. Nothing to write home about – I definitely wasn’t feeling a major spark or romantic chemistry or anything –  but he was funny and I was having a good time just being out of my apartment. 

After a bit, though, I could tell that I was ready to go home because it was way past my bedtime and I knew that this wasn’t really going to go anywhere, but it just felt very weird trying to find a way to nicely tell him I was ready to wrap this up and go home. 

Photo by Akshay Anand on Pexels.com

Finally I found a way to get that message across, and this is where the biggest problem with Clark came to be. As I’m sure y’all know by now, I’m old-fashioned and expect to be paid for on a first date. So when the bill came and I did my customary offer of splitting and he said, “Yes,” I was not pleased. But not just because I’m traditional. Because he also said, “Let’s do 50/50,” despite the fact that my hard cider was nearly $4 cheaper than his vodka soda, and he’d had two of them. And the wings we ‘split’? I ate maybe two or three, while he ate more like six or seven. 

And on top of that, he was telling me how his company and industry have been “thriving” during all of this while then listening to me talk about being unemployed and trying to survive off of unemployment. I’m a big believer that if you can’t afford to eat out you shouldn’t eat out, which is why I ordered a cheaper drink so that if he did say we should split it I wasn’t paying for overpriced liquor. He was the one who suggested the appetizer, too, and he ate so much more of it. Plus, the fact that he was basically gloating about now having to experience the stress that millions of people have had to experience lately… it was a major turnoff that essentially, he was letting me pay for him since his drinks were more expensive. 

Also let me just remind you that he basically stood me up just a few nights before, and promised to “make it up to me.” So his idea of making it up to me was letting me pay for part of his vodka and wings on a first date? I just think that’s tacky. 


However, he did offer to walk me home so I was almost willing to give him just ONE more pass. That is, until we started to get close to my place. When I told him I was right across the street so we could part there, and I could clearly see the look on his face that showed he was very much expecting me to invite him up. Even though I really don’t think any of our conversations had been very flirty, and he didn’t even attempt to woo me, so this felt very weird to me. I was very unimpressed with this and even though I lied and said we could hang out again, I knew we would not be. 

When I got back to my apartment, I brushed my teeth and got into bed. A bit later he messaged me that, “I’m cute and we should hang out again soon.” Yes, I am cute, but I just said thanks and good night. And, luckily, I never heard from Clark again.