positive Archives • Madeline Olsen

So Long, 2020

So about this year.

2020, am I right?

This year was, a lot, to put it simply. I don’t know a single person who can say that this year wasn’t absolutely crazy – between COVID, the protests and riots from this summer, depressing celebrity deaths (RIP Chadwick Boseman and Alex Trebek), murder hornets, and Prince Harry leaving the royal family – among many other things – 2020 seemed to want to see exactly just how much we could take. But, this year didn’t totally suck for me.

Yes, I lost the job that was supposed to be my super-cool “big girl” job that I actually stayed with for more than six months. Yes, I flew across the country to spend the weekend with a guy I had met once and was convinced was the real thing just to have my heart broken and end up abandoned in a mall. I went to Florida to be with my family for two weeks (remember when we thought that was all it would take to flatten the curve?) and stayed for five months, which I wasn’t prepared for. I went six months without seeing a friend that wasn’t also a family member, and I had to cancel two trips that I was really looking forward to. I got a Travel Rewards credit card back in February which was hilariously ignored.

Obviously, I know that in the grand scheme of things the “bad shit” that happened to me this year really wasn’t that bad compared to what a lot of other people have been through, and I’m very aware of that, but it doesn’t mean that it still wasn’t tough to get through. But, I did get through it and ended up stronger and better than ever.

A friend of mine and I have been saying lately that if you think 2020 completely sucked, then, no offense, you kind of suck, too. I absolutely believe that this year had a meaning – what it is, I don’t know, but I think it did. It forced a lot of people to slow down and appreciate the little things in life, and remember how much they have to be grateful for. They realized what their true priorities need to be. Employers realized that maybe allowing for a better work-life balance wouldn’t be such a bad thing. People realized how important family is, and that honestly, it’s silly to be overly loyal to a company when the company isn’t very loyal to you. This year came with a lot of trials and tribulations, absolutely, but if you’ve simply been dwelling on all the bad things and haven’t learned any lessons from this year then I’m sorry to say that I don’t think your 2021 is going to be much better.

Yes, some bad things happened to me, but good things did, too. I got to see my baby niece’s first steps and hear some of her first words. I spent an unexpectedly large amount of time with my family. I got certified as a Barre instructor after years of saying I would, finally renewed my First Aid certification, and was able to dedicate more time to studying for (and taking) the beast that is the LSAT so I can start law school next year. I sought out specific treatment to discuss my history with disordered eating so that I don’t adopt those habits and end up as sick and miserable as I was when I was at the height of my eating disorder a few years ago. I baked, a lot. I learned to kayak with my mom, started lettering, and read a ton of books. I got my first position on a Board of Directors for a non-profit I’m extremely passionate about, took on a very fulfilling leadership position in the Junior League, and most importantly, I learned to prioritize myself! I finally had a talk with someone that I’ve felt I needed to have for years, and we were able to put the past where it belongs and start to become friends after way too much resentment and pain. I invested the amount of time, money, and energy that I’m used to investing in other people into myself and I’ve come out on the other side a completely different person.

A friend of mine developed a “Soul Purpose” program, and I decided to take part in it because when shit started to hit the fan back in April – even before the pandemic got really bad – I couldn’t help but feel like I was meant to take a step back and reevaluate what I was doing with my life, because I wasn’t on the right path at all. It took me a while to decide to participate, but I am so glad that I did. Honestly, the work I’ve done with her over the past twelve weeks has been infinitely better for me than anything I worked on with my most recent therapist, who pretty much ghosted me when I had an insurance issue and couldn’t see her as regularly. I felt strong enough to go off my anti-anxiety medication because a lot of the reasons I was anxious in the past were no longer present. I learned to trust myself, love myself, and not feel like I have to be responsible for the happiness of everyone in my life – even when it’s at my own expense. I placed boundaries that I actually enforced (finally). I learned more about myself than I thought was possible in only three months, and I’m ending this year happier than I’ve been in years.

I know my experiences might be the exception, but I really do think that attitude can make a huge difference. Even when I lost my job because of budget issues, I knew that I was insanely lucky because I didn’t have nearly as much to worry about as others. There was the coworker who was just a couple of years from retirement, the one who found out shortly after being laid off that she was pregnant, or the one who had moved from a different state specifically for a job she lost just a couple of months later. I don’t have kids or a mortgage, and I’m insanely lucky and grateful to have a supportive family. But I also didn’t take that for granted. I took advantage of the opportunities this year gave me, and the position I was in, to make sure that I didn’t waste something that I was fortunate enough to have. And because I didn’t take my job loss personally, or spend every day finding a reason to have a pity party, I received more opportunities to grow and continue being grateful.

I think I’ve said this before, but every morning before I get out of bed I list three things I’m grateful for and three things I’m looking forward to that day. I get that on REALLY hard days that isn’t enough – and I’ve had some of those days myself – but the important thing is to keep on going. I know this sounds kind of ~earthy~, but I do think this year has made me a bit of a hippie so I’m going with it (I even have a “hippie tray” in my room to hold all my crystals), but I also totally believe in that. You know that book “The Secret”? It’s true. Attitude can make a huge difference in your life, so make sure you have a good one.

This doesn’t mean to belittle your own feelings when you have a valid reason to be upset because someone always has it worse, or you should be grateful for the good things and forget the bad, because that’s not realistic and it’s also not healthy to never have a negative emotion, and it isn’t fair to you to feel like you’re not allowed to have a bad day. You are! Everyone is! But, don’t let one bad day define your whole year. And by the same token, don’t let one bad year define the rest of them.

Just because I had a pretty good year, comparatively speaking, doesn’t mean I’m not ready to say goodbye to 2020. I am, trust me. I’m sad for those grieving a loved one that was lost because of COVID, or any other illness or accident. I’m sad at how divided our country has become. I’m sad for the people who’ve struggled with mental health, abusive relationships or families, or food insecurity because of places being closed. I’m sad for families that missed the holidays together, and I’m sad that my not even three-year old niece gets nervous when her mask falls off in public. I know things aren’t perfect. But, I can’t control a lot of those things. What I can control is how I react to those things. I can’t send positivity and love to people who need it when I’m still taking a job loss from April personally, or being upset about a jerk in Arizona, because I wouldn’t have anything to give them if I was so focused on the ‘bad’ things that happened. Especially because if those things hadn’t happened, SO many of the great things that happened to me this year probably wouldn’t have either!

My friend who led the “Soul Purpose” program I did has made a positive impact on my life since we first met in Orlando when she did my waxes, but this year she went above and beyond. She helped me learn to trust myself, listen to my intuition, address areas I needed to work on to be the best version of me I can possibly be, and most importantly, she helped me find my purpose. To serve others. I’m excited to spend the next year – and beyond – figuring out exactly how I want to serve others, and then doing it! I wouldn’t have been able to do that if this year had been as perfect as I imagined it would be back in February.

So, yes, 2020 sucked but it doesn’t mean that 2021 has to as well. I hope you were able to learn something from this year, too, and if not – there’s still time! I finally worked on things from five years ago this year. It’s never too late. I’m excited to put this year to bed, and I’m ready to take on 2021 and make it the best year yet! That is, until 2022.

I hope everyone has a happy, healthy, and safe New Year’s Eve celebration, and I’m wishing everyone an amazing new year! Praying for peace, love, and light, and for everyone who struggled this year, don’t give up.

2020 is over and it can only go up from here! Right? Right.

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

My Favorite Ways to Stay Positive

I am a firm believer that attitude is everything, and that maintaining positivity in your life can bring you some of the best gifts the universe has to offer. Over the past several months, I know that it has been hard for a lot of people to stay positive given the circumstances and uncertainty that has been surrounding so many of us, myself included, so here are some of my favorite ways to stay positive, no matter what.

1. Gratitude.

For me, gratitude is one of the most grounding things and it always immediately puts me in a better mood to take a moment and remind myself of all of the amazing things that I do have. Every morning before I get out of bed, even before I check my phone, I say three things that I’m grateful for and three things that I’m looking forward to that day.

Even if it’s something simple, like being grateful for my extremely comfy bed, or looking forward to watching something on TV, the little things count, too. Also, I keep a gratitude journal and at the end of each day, I write down one specific thing from that day that I’m grateful for. Sometimes it’s a person, sometimes it’s an event, sometimes it’s something about myself.

The point is, remind yourself everyday that you have at least SOMETHING to be grateful for – because you do.

2. Start and end your day on a good note.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who sometimes struggles to get out of bed in the morning, and sometimes loses motivation halfway through the day, so to combat that, I like to plan my day so that I do the two things I’m most excited about first and last.

I love to workout first thing in the morning – it gets my blood moving, I already feel like I’ve accomplished something, and I have more energy in the day. Plus, it’s my time to completely zone out and focus 100% on myself. So, every morning right after making my bed and having my first cup of coffee, I workout. Sometimes it’s just a 15 minute yoga video, but it’s better than nothing and it makes me feel good for the rest of the day.

Especially right now since during the day I’m busy with LSAT prep, law school applications, job hunting, and blogging, I like to have one thing at the end of the day to look forward to. I’m like a little kid, and I need to always have something to be excited about. Even if it’s just a new episode of “The Bachelorette,” or making my favorite mug cake recipe, I make sure to do one nice, fun thing for myself to reward myself for all the work I’ve done that day and to end my day on a good note. I also find that I sleep better when I do this.

3. Surround yourself with positive things.

Your environment can absolutely dictate your attitude. Personally, I’m a brat when things are cluttered or not clean so I know that my area needs to always be clean and organized for me to be able to focus.

Also, I make sure to have things that I like around me. I have a little “hippie tray,” as I call it, on my dresser that has all of my crystals and sage spray. My desk organizers are all in my favorite colors. My bookshelves are full of books and photos and other random things that make me happy. I don’t keep things that make me think of bad times, or moments where I was sad, or that just don’t make me feel good. When I’m surrounded by things that make me happy, I’m happy!

4. Affirmations.

I absolutely love affirmations and they have changed my life in so many ways. When I was on my second College Program at Disney and spending the entire drive to and from work every day, and most of my breaks, sobbing because I was so miserable, I would pull down the visor in my car or go to the bathroom and stare at myself in the mirror while I recitd my favorite “I am” affirmations until I could regain focus and was able to make it through the rest of the day.

I have so many apps on my phone that are dedicated to affirmations and I start every single day with them. Before I check social media or anything else, I read my affirmations for the day. When I get sad in the middle of the day, I go back to them. If I can’t sleep, I say them to myself. There are so many places to find good ones that help you with whatever you need to focus on, and they really have helped me stay positive even in the worst times.

5. Maintain perspective.

It really is a cliche, but it is true that someone always has it worse. But that’s not to say that you’re not allowed to be upset about something, or that your feelings or experiences aren’t valid. They are. Besides, I absolutely think that honoring your feelings – even the bad ones – is necessary.

But whenever I want to throw myself a pity party for something trivial, I think about if whatever that problem is will matter in five days, five months, or five years. That’s something a teacher in high school taught me, and it really does make a difference. It helps me to reframe my problems and realize that most of the time, they’re extremely temporary situations that I’ll get out of soon. Don’t make mountains out of molehills. When I realize that something isn’t going to impact me forever, it helps me realize that I can get out of my funk and go back to being positive sooner.

6. Do something nice for someone else.

I like helping people. That’s why I worked at Disney, and that’s why I want to be a lawyer. When I do something nice for someone else, without a secret agenda or hopes that I’ll get some sort of reward for it, it makes me feel good and instantly improves my day.

A couple of weeks ago, I was walking home from the grocery store when a woman walking a bit ahead of me was struggling to hold her daughter and her plastic bag of groceries when the bag broke. Her things went everywhere, so after helping her collect them, I gave her one of my reusable bags. That bag cost me about 10 cents and it took me less than three minutes to help her out. But it made me feel better to know that I did something to make someone else’s day easier, even if it was just with a reusable bag.

So buy someone a coffee, hold the door for the mom you see struggling to push her stroller through, or give someone a reusable bag. Reminding yourself that you matter, that your existence has value, and that you’re able to make the world a better place – one small step at a time – should always cheer you up. I know it does for me .

7. Take care of yourself physically.

You can’t feel good emotionally and mentally if you’re not feeling well physically. So, hydrate! I am never without my water bottle. Eat good foods. I don’t believe in diets or clean eating, but if you know you’re lactose intolerant, don’t have lactose. If you know that having too many french fries makes you bloated and unable to move, don’t eat too many french fries.

Also, make sure that you’re moving your body every day – even if it’s just a short walk – and get enough sleep. When I was going through my insane doctor visits trying to figure out why I had vertigo for six months straight, the one thing every doctor could agree on was that I needed to sleep more. Sleep is key. Take care of your body – it’s the only one you have.

I know there are lots of other great ways to maintain a positive attitude, but these are my top seven! Ever since I got out of the toxic situations that were holding me back, I feel much more like my old self – the self that was obnoxiously optimistic and always able to see the silver lining. I like being positive and I like being able to look back at a challenge and say to myself, “I made it through that and I did it with a smile.” So, whatever your methods are, stay positive. 2020 is almost over and 2021 is almost here – we can do it!

19 Things I’ve Learned During Quarantine

2020, am I right?

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has used the pandemic as a chance to reassess certain aspects of my life, learn new things (I was baking bread before it was cool), spend more time with family, and get back to the basics, more or less. So, in honor of 2021 being less than 3 months away, I wanted to share 19 things that I’ve learned during the pandemic and quarantine.

Some of these are pretty general, some are more personal, and some are things I’ve already known that were further proven over the past several months. But, I think that pretty much all of these are things that just about anyone can relate to.

1. Family is the most important thing.

I feel like this one should be a given, but, just in case. Part of why I wanted to leave Disney and hospitality in general is because I was tired of missing birthdays and holidays, and I needed a job that allowed that. I am so lucky to have a mom that loves me so much that she pretty much forced me to come down to Florida the second that things started to get bad because she didn’t want me to be in Boston alone. I would have gone CRAZY if I’d been up here by myself! As much as I missed Boston sometimes, I had so much fun spending time with my parents and family. I got to see my niece’s first steps, and hear some of her first words. I got to take my other niece on our first aunt/niece date night which was easily the best “date” I’ve ever been on, and such a fun night. I binge-watched like five shows with my mom, and got to spend more time with my dad. At the end of the day, jobs are temporary, but family is forever.

2. Life rarely goes the way you planned.

Oh man, at the beginning of this year, I was done with school, I had accepted an amazing job that was going to allow me to travel and give me more autonomy, I had just met a guy that I was convinced was the one, and I was happy with where things seemed to be heading. Now, I’m unemployed and single, but guess what? I’m still happy! I thought that everything at the beginning of the year was a set-up for all the things that I had planned for this year, and now pretty much none of them have happened. And that’s okay. The universe has other things in store for me. I just need to go with the flow.

3. Never be loyal to a job that isn’t loyal to you.

This is something that my dad has told me for years, and is why I once quit a job that was just destroying my mental health after about three months of working there, but I feel like in light of recent events that some of my friends are going through, it needs to be said again. Again, jobs are temporary. EVERYWHERE is a business. No matter how much you love a company, or how great they seem when you get hired, things are not the way they used to be. Your #1 job should be to take care of yourself – if you can’t do that, you’re not in the right career.

4. Make pursuing your passions a priority.

I’ve told myself for years that I wanted to get certified as a barre instructor, that I wanted to learn lettering, and that I wanted to blog more. It took the quarantine to get me to start doing any of those things, and I feel more fulfilled now than I have in awhile! Make the time to do the things that you just WANT to do, not what you need to do. It’s so rewarding, and maybe you’ll find what the next step in your life needs to be through that.

5. Self-care is ALWAYS important.

Y’all know that I’m the self-care queen, so of course I had to throw this in! I don’t care if it’s a five minute meditation, a bubble bath, journaling, or just lighting your favorite candles while you eat dinner – I want you to do some sort of self-care every single day. YOU are the most important person in your life. You can’t help others, you can’t do your job, and you can’t do your other tasks if you aren’t taking care of yourself. It doesn’t have to be much, just do something to take care of yourself. Make the time for it. It is vital.

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