Like I said in my last post, I recently deleted my dating apps. But, I still had them before my trips to Austin, Texas, and Scottsdale, Arizona. I wanted to move to either of those places, so I thought it would be helpful to see what the guys were like. So, I used Hinge and changed my neighborhood to the Austin area, and did some swiping. I did match with a couple of guys who didn’t seem totally awful and a few that I knew would not be for me. Ultimately, I made plans to meet up with one of them while I was there – Joseph.
Joseph isn’t actually from Texas. He’s from the East Coast but was raised in California and now lives in Austin. But for this story, I’m just going to call him The Texan because it works.
Joseph was pretty cute, a little short, but I’m not too much of a heightist. He was funny and seemed pretty decent. Honestly, he wasn’t 100% “my type,” but I’m trying to be better about that, too. I figured I’d try something new. So we messaged, and then texted for a bit, and decided to meet up on my first day there. I kind of regretted telling him about what time I was set to land, though. He seemed to want to meet up pretty much immediately, but I kind of just ignored him for a bit until I got settled in.
Eventually, we met up at a brewery that the front desk agent at my hotel had recommended. I wanted to explore East Austin, and she suggested it as a starting point. Even though I don’t really drink beer, I thought it would be fun. So I invited him to join me after I ate a late breakfast. As I usually do, I had to go back through his profile and our previous conversations to remember what he looked like and what topics we’d already covered. Once I did, I was ready.
I got there first, but since I’m not a beer fan, it worked out – it took me a very long time to decide what I wanted to get. When he did arrive, he was actually a bit cuter in person. Still a bit short, though. But overall I got a pretty good vibe – more ‘friend’ than ‘boyfriend,’ but better than ‘run away’! We ordered our beers and sat down, and started talking.
After we had a drink there, we decided to walk around and ended up at a cocktail bar not too far away. I appreciated that he paid for my drinks without question, seemed interested in what I had to say, remembered other details about me, and wasn’t trying to get in my pants right off the bat. Sometimes it’s sad to realize that this is where the bar is at this point.
But, while Joseph wasn’t awful and seemed mostly decent, he was a bit too clingy for me. I feel like he had this idea that we would meet on my first day and have such amazing chemistry that we spent my whole time there together and then fell madly in love, so I moved there. But that’s not what happened. It’s also not what I wanted to happen. But Joseph started to get a bit clingy, so I started to step on the brakes. I even lied about the hotel I was staying at . Not just for safety, but because I didn’t trust that he wouldn’t just show up outside my hotel “coincidentally” at some point during my stay.
After we had our drinks, he offered to drive me back to my hotel. But obviously, since I told him I was staying somewhere else I said no. I also kind of wanted to explore a bit more. But, it was nice of him to offer. That is, until he began texting me every day for the rest of my trip asking if I wanted to meet up again.
I like the interest, but I’d also already told him that I had plans of my own – which was true. I really wasn’t sure I’d be able to meet more than once since it was such a quick trip. But like I said, I think he had an idea of some sort of crazy romantic movie-type story unfolding. And I was just not into it.
I did think about meeting up with him one night, though. I had met up with a friend at a bar I knew wasn’t too far from him and thought about reaching out. Then we ended up totally losing track of time so I decided to go back to my hotel instead. I did text him that I had planned on trying to meet up with him but that the night had gotten away from me. I mean, it was pretty late, and it was my last night before heading to Arizona so I wanted to get some sleep. He took it pretty well, though.
The next day, though, he texted me again when I was leaving Austin for Arizona to ask me if I was planning on coming back. He also said that he “really saw this going somewhere” and wanted me to let him know if I did end up moving here. I was honest that I didn’t really see myself moving there, but that if I ever came back to visit I’d try to let him know. Really, Austin was just not for me – fun city, however.
I didn’t have high expectations for a date with anyone while I was there so it was fine. I mostly just wanted a local to show me around a bit, but I could definitely tell that he had some other plans. Don’t get me wrong, I love a guy who’s enthusiastic and interested. But he was a bit too interested and excited that I wasn’t from there.
It kind of made me feel like maybe there’s a reason why he hasn’t had any luck with a girl in Austin and was looking for someone new to the area. Maybe that’s just me but it’s kind of a red flag when a guy is clearly missing signals that I wanted my time and space to do my own thing. Instead, he was trying to get me, basically a stranger, to spend my whole trip with him. Not a crazy red flag, but just not one I want to ignore.
I’m also not sure what it is about me that so far, I find guys who are either madly in love with me from date one or want nothing to do with me after one date. I’m clearly very much a love or hate kind of person. But I’m changing that!
In any case, Joseph was not the one and that’s perfectly fine with me. Especially since I’m not moving to Texas. I did search for some matches in Arizona but didn’t find any worth going out with, which was fine. However, I did make a friend early on in my trip. I ended up hanging out with her and her boyfriend a bit, which was much more fun anyway.
And after those trips, I deleted all of my apps – for good. I didn’t use them when I was in the Outer Banks. I wasn’t even tempted to redownload. Now that I’m back in Boston I’m planning on doing it all the old-fashioned way. I feel like I’ve dated every guy in Boston already, but maybe there are a few unicorns who weren’t on any apps that I’ve yet to meet. So from now on, no more dating app stories. Only “real life” ones. Will I meet anyone this way? I’m optimistic. Will they be story worthy? I guess we have to wait and see. Stay tuned.