Chapter 36: Questions & Answers

Hello again, friends! Welcome back to another week. It feels so good to be writing again, and I’m especially excited for this week’s chapter.

A little while ago, I asked my friends on Instagram to ask me some dating and sex-related questions that I could answer on my blog, and they delivered. So while I won’t have one specific story for you this week, I’ll be sharing some extra information with y’all throughout my answers. So sit back, relax, and enjoy.

1. What are your top three deal breakers on a first date?

This is a good question, and very easy for me to answer. I have misophonia. It basically means that certain sounds trigger me in a way that might seem unreasonable, but I literally cannot control how much I can’t stand them. It’s a thing, look it up. The BIGGEST trigger for my misophonia is loud chewing. I absolutely cannot stand it. I thought about going to see “A Quiet Place” in the theater until I saw a whole bunch of people with misophonia saying it was basically torture. All they could concentrate on was people eating popcorn loudly. Some things are crunchy, sure, but excessive crunching, mouth/lip noises, it’s a huge no from me. That will not be the soundtrack to the rest of my life. So that’s my number one.

My second one would be people who are rude to the waiter/waitress, or anyone in the service industry. It’s a huge turn-off and 100% not the kind of person I want to be with. I’d say my third is smoking because that’s a big deal breaker for me, but I’m usually good about screening them out before I even get on a date with them. Instead, I’ll say cockiness. I love a confident and ambitious guy, but if they cross that line into “cocky” territory, they’re out. 

2. Do you listen to Call Her Daddy? How do you feel about it?

A friend of mine did tell me to listen to it so I did for awhile, then I got out of it. Honestly I just couldn’t stand their voices. I did start listening again recently. I like listening to podcasts while I’m working and I didn’t feel like searching for another one. While it is pretty funny – and I will give them some credit for sort of inspiring me to start this – I’m not a huge fan. Beyond the whole Alex / Sofia drama, they’re both narcissists and promote some extremely toxic behaviors that I can’t justify. So I listen to it for the funny stories and sex tips more than actually trying to be a “Daddy” or taking any of their advice seriously.

I’ve also heard that Alex isn’t as funny without Sofia or her ghostwriter so I probably won’t continue listening past The Funeral. But like I said, it is entertaining I just don’t get all the hype. Then again maybe I’m just bitter. I sent in a recording to be a guest co-host when they were advertising that – because I am all about taking advantage of opportunities to promote myself (wait, am I a narcissist?) – and they never even sent me a generic email response.

3. If you could sleep with any celebrity, who would it be?

Look at that face.

Another easy (but good) question – Liam Hemsworth, 100%. I am in love with him.

4. What’s the weirdest thing a guy has asked you to do?

I’ve probably been asked to do some weird things that I’m not remembering, but really only one comes to mind. I don’t think I talked about this in the post, but The Area Manager asked me if I’d let him pee on me. We were talking about if we had any kinks and if so, what they were. He told me that that’s his biggest one and he’s never had a girl let him do that (gee, I wonder why?). So he asked if I would. In this same conversation he was also confessing to engaging in some pretty odd sexual acts, so I guess at the time I just felt like the pee-thing was relatively tame based on his past experiences, so I was just kind of like, “Probably not,” and moved on.

Actually, I think I told him that since we still had plans to go to the beach at that time, maybe I’d get stung by a jellyfish. Then he could live out his dream that way since everyone pees in the ocean anyway (don’t act like you don’t), and then told him that in any other situation, that would be a no, and I changed the subject.

5. Why should someone have a healthy sex life?

I think it’s super important to have a healthy sex life! It’s so good to get in touch with yourself and learn what you like. Plus there are studies all the time telling us how it’s good for your physical and mental health to have frequent sex. But beyond the obvious benefits, I think it’s important to (1), get in touch with your own sexuality and understand how you relate to it and feel about it, (2), embrace your sexuality and know that it doesn’t make you a bad person (got to love that Catholic-guilt), and (3), find someone who loves that aspect of you as much as you do.

Coming from someone who felt very sexually repressed (mostly my own doing) for most of my formative years, I can honestly say that taking the time to evaluate your relationship with your own sexuality and feelings towards sex is crucial to actually enjoying it. It’s an important way to express intimacy and feel close to someone. But mostly, get more in touch with yourself and find even more things to love about your absolutely amazing self.

6. What’s your go-to post-sex snack?

You know I don’t really know that I have one? But I guess it would be the same as my go-to drunk snack. Which is essentially any combination of carbs and cheese. Nachos, mozzarella sticks… something along those lines. Or maybe something sweet . Pierre gave me macarons from Laduree (my absolute favorite), and I’m pretty sure I’ve made myself sugar cookies on at least one or two occasions. 

7. What are your thoughts on lingerie?

I love lingerie! It makes me feel so fancy! If only guys appreciated it as much as I do. I think I’ve been with two guys that actually appreciated my lingerie and weren’t just like, “Cool, can you take it off now?” Sometimes I wear it at home for myself because it makes me feel extra confident and sexy. I think it’s pretty and can be so empowering, even when I’m just wearing it for myself.

I have a couple of cute sets from Adore Me, but honestly most of mine is from Amazon. These are my favorite sets (one, two, three). They were purchased for a photoshoot I did but ended up not needing them. I feel like because I’m single and don’t wear it a lot, it’s not worth spending too much on it. But when I find a guy who appreciates it and whisks me off to Paris every other month, maybe I’ll splurge on some La Perla. 

8. What’s your favorite sex toy?

Believe it or not I’m not a huge fan of sex toys. Christian bought me my first couple of toys, – one I left on his car one of the many times I was mad at him, and the other I threw out. I love going to sex toy stores, though, because I think it’s entertaining and very eye-opening. I’ve brought a couple of friends to ones for the first time. Including the time my roommate and I got lost on the bad side of Orange Blossom Trail at midnight.

But the one sex toy that I can honestly give a great review is the Womanizer. There are lots of different versions. I think I just have the classic. One of my friends from work came in one day talking about how amazing it was. She talked about it all day so I gave in and decided to try it out.

9. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done for a guy? The most romantic?

Craziest thing I’ve done FOR a guy or TO a guy? Because those would be two different answers. 

For, I would say lying to my family about “getting coffee” so that I could make a 30 minute drive in 23 minutes trying to cross “Australian” off my list only to get stood up by Bruce. And then buying tickets to another one of his shows just to fuck with him a little. 

To, well, I do always say I’m a “slow simmering 2, ready to boil up to 10 at any moment” when it comes to the Crazy Scale. I could probably do a whole chapter on all the times I’ve been a bit crazy. I would say the top three craziest things I’ve done are: (1) having a stakeout with my best friend where I left eggs on Christian’s windshield (so he knew I could have egged his car), a vibrator on his car door, and a pair of underwear on his front door, and then calling him repeatedly, (2) Venmoing Al asking to pay me back for birth control months after he ghosted me and then talking to his parents when I saw him at work, or (3) meeting a guy in a Best Buy parking lot so I could tell if I felt comfortable going to his place. 

Most romantic thing I’ve ever done? Definitely fly across the country to spend the weekend with a guy I’d only met once, but we all know how that ended up

Also as a total aside, for some reason this question made me realize I’ve never talked about how I tried to lose my virginity to an actor at a Teen Wolf Convention (I feel like I was **THIS** close). That will definitely be an upcoming chapter. 

10. How do you feel about PornHub? What about OnlyFans?

I don’t really watch porn. It’s too long, the guys are never hot (RIP Tumblr porn gifs, you are missed), and the baby-feminist in me can’t get past how the women are treated. So I don’t really have strong feelings on PornHub in that respect. However, on a serious note I do know that they don’t do a very good job of moderating their videos. I don’t want to get into details because I know they could be triggering for a lot of people, so you can do the research yourself. But I think that if you’re going to run a site like that you have a responsibility to keep children, assault victims, and sex workers safe. 

OnlyFans, I don’t really know too much about it. I know what it is and the basic premise but I’m not positive I fully understand how it works. Maybe I’m just overthinking it. I know Bella Thorne and all the ‘celebrities’ who hopped on there suck. But, I think human bodies are beautiful. I don’t think that there should be ANY shame in choosing to share it if you feel comfortable with doing so. So long as it’s safe. Have I thought about starting one from time to time? Yes. Especially during the worst parts of the pandemic where this girl needed some $$, but I don’t think it’s for me. But more power to anyone who does!

11. Does your family know about and read your blog?

My family knows about it. I think I told my dad about it but I don’t remember. My mom reads it (hi, mom) even though she knows pretty much everything on here already since I tell her everything. I know my grandma reads it, she thinks it’s hilarious. I’m pretty sure a couple of my aunts read it as well. But my brother and my dad are forbidden from reading it. I sent one chapter to my brother but told him that was the only one he’s allowed to read.

12. What’s the worst sex you’ve ever had?

My dream.

This is kind of tough because I’ve been lucky to never have had truly awful sex. Gut reaction, I’d say Chad not because he’s bad necessarily but just because I really don’t think I was in the right headspace at the time. I also don’t think we really had good chemistry, nor were we really working as a team. When I really think about it, though, I’d have to say Christian. Again, not that he’s bad but I think at the time I built him up SO much. I didn’t really have anything to compare him to, and now that I do I realize it wasn’t anything very exciting or memorable. Plus, I’ve had much more fun with guys who actually listened to what I did and didn’t want to do. And didn’t make me feel bad if I wasn’t up for performing that day. 

13. What hasn’t a man swooped you up yet? You’re a CATCH.

Easily my favorite question here. I DON’T KNOW! I always tell myself that God just has someone so incredibly amazing for me that it wouldn’t be fair if I’d had good relationships in the past, too. But being totally honest, I think I really needed some time to myself. I needed to figure out why I wanted a relationship, what I was looking for, and what I could bring to the table beyond great baking abilities and lots of dad jokes. For a long time I was definitely wanting a boyfriend for the wrong reasons. I was lonely or I wanted to be validated or make someone jealous. But I’ve done a lot of work on myself and grown a lot. I dated myself and all that good stuff, so I definitely feel like I’m in the right place to be in a HEALTHY relationship for the first time ever.

Now it’s just a matter of finding someone, which if my Bumble and Tinder accounts are accurate does not seem super promising. There are not many suitable options there. If the world could just open up again so that I can meet someone amazing in real-life, that would be great. I know he’s out there!

Well, that’s it for today, y’all! I hope you enjoyed this one and if you ever have any other questions you want to see answered, feel free to send them my way. I am clearly an open-book. Have a great week! Be safe!