Chapter 24: The Rollercoaster

I did end up texting him later, though, because of course I did. He did respond, which was good. It was heated. We went back and forth a lot, I deleted the texts (which is actually a big step for me!) so I don’t remember everything that was said, I just know I was really upset and I could not get him to see my side of things at all. He kept telling me he didn’t want to talk anymore, but then he’d tell me to call him. I tried to call him but his phone didn’t ring for some reason. Oh! That reminds me – at one point during the weekend I was there I realized that he didn’t even have my number saved in his phone, which again maybe this is just me and how weird technology is now, but that just made me so sad. 

Anyway, we went back and forth a lot but we were just not getting anywhere. I called him out for not really being an Empath (ooh burn, Madeline), he said that he’d been trying to be nice to me (lol) but that I’m “crazy” and “unrealistic” because I *gasp* think that long-distance relationships can be managed. I called him out on how rude it was that he was so concerned about the feelings of this girl he’d been with for a month max, he kept saying that “it wasn’t right” that we were talking which didn’t make sense to me unless he still liked me, yet he didn’t care at all about the turmoil he’d put me through not only the last bit of that weekend, but every day since. That my feelings didn’t matter, and that it was really fucked up that he didn’t take any responsibility for it.

I do remember most of the big parts of the conversation. He kept saying that I’m “so out of touch with reality,” for one. I still don’t really know exactly what he meant by that, but I do give him credit for at least trying to come up with a more creative alternative to the average guy’s go-to line of calling a girl “crazy” for expressing any emotion. There was a lot of deflecting the blame, at one point I was “nice” but then less than a minute later I wasn’t. He claimed that he told me several times he wanted me to leave and stay in a hotel, yet I can’t remember any of them except for the time I tried to leave and he said not to, and seemed to forget that he was the one who asked me out there and offered his place to stay when I asked if it was okay. He’d tell me to leave him alone, then respond to something else I’d said, therefore continuing the conversation. There was more but I don’t want to paint him as too much of a jerk. Overall, it was yet another rollercoaster ride further proving my point that he had no idea what he wanted or what he felt and was taking out his frustration on me because me and my heart on my sleeve were very easy targets.

What sealed the deal, though, was when he told me that “it scared him” when I told him something I like doing. That thing is having an excuse to get dressed up nicely and go out somewhere with the guy I’m into and, in an ideal world, at least one guy checks me out so that the guy I’m with gets the ego boost of knowing that he’s with a girl that at least one other guy wants. I don’t think that’s weird, in fact I can guarantee you 95% of the people reading this – guy and girl – agree with that being a nice feeling. In any case, apparently, me replying that, “I wasn’t the one who let his best friend fuck his girlfriend” (which he did let Pete do in high school) was NOT the response he was looking for, because at that he freaked out and told me bye – and that was the last time we spoke. 

Of course, I’m a glutton for punishment and after crying and having a pity party for myself, I did some digging and found who his new girlfriend is. I really didn’t want to believe that he was with someone at first, it just seemed too convenient, but then I did remember seeing something in his story of him with a girl just a few days after I left, but I told myself at the time that it was one of his sisters maybe. It wasn’t. I had blocked him on Instagram and Facebook by that point, but let’s just say I have my ways, and discovered that he was dating some 22-year old girl that he definitely knew before I ever traveled 2,634.9 miles to go see him. Again, y’all, do NOT hide shit from me – I will find out! When I go from my slow simmering 2 to my level 10, there is no limit to what I can find out. 

Obviously, though, I’m not a complete psycho nor am I a bitch, so despite the fact that I clearly had some shit that I could use if I really wanted to ruin his relationship with her, I didn’t. Karma will get Tony at some point. I just blocked her, too so I wasn’t tempted to torture myself anymore than I already had. 

However, when one of my friends was talking about seeing the guy she’s been dating share some questionable transactions on Venmo and starting a fight with him about it, I was reminded about how I used Venmo to get a bit of revenge on The Cheater, Al, and I figured I probably could get the confirmation that I always kind of didn’t need but wanted, that he had been dating her before he told me about her, and that it couldn’t have been long after I went there. Plus, I was in the mood to be a bit petty, so I looked. And I found exactly what I thought I would, emoji filled transactions from not even a week (more like four days) after I left between the two of them. I had a bit of liquid courage in me, so I ‘liked’ one of the transactions and left it just long enough that I could be sure he’d probably get a notification before deleting it so that he might not be able to see which one it was which would probably freak him out a bit. I like to create the suspense of, “Will she or won’t she do something crazy?” by just letting them know that I haven’t forgotten. Some people go for physical or emotional or even sexual revenge – me, I’m all about psychological. Needless to say, I’m now blocked on Venmo, too, but hey I have the receipts so I don’t care. 

I would make a comment about how I know 13-year olds who are more mature than them and use actual words instead of emojis, but I’m more just wondering if maybe she just really likes eggplants? How many eggplants do you have to buy for someone before they think they need to Venmo you for them? PS – Peep that March 20 date – I left at midnight the 15th/16th.

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